[Narry One Shots]

Tell me you love me

In which Niall tells Harry he's gay and Harry's not exactly okay with that

Tell me you love me

Monday, free period

"Oh dammit, Liam looks hot as hell today, doesn't he?", Niall mutters under his breath and licks his lips. I'm sitting next to him and I'm currently choking on my Capri Sun because what did he just say? What did I just hear coming from his thin pink lips? No, no, no. Nononono. No. 

"What?", I ask, eying my best friend up and down, hoping that I misheard him. 

"Oh, uh", Niall replies, suddenly flustered and seemingly uncomfortable on his chair. "N-Nothing"

"Come on, Niall. Did you just-", I probe and start poking his rosy cheek. 

"Yes, okay, yes. I said that Liam's hot. Yes. I am gay. Okay? I'm sorry. I didn't want to- to tell you- uh, yet. I-Is it okay for you?", blondie next to be stutters and I can barely make sense out of his words, but one thing that I got is: Niall is gay. Niall is fucking gay. No fucking way.

Niall is in no way feminine, Niall is the most boyish person I've ever met. Hell, I'm more feminine than he is! This can't be. I've never caught him staring at a bloke's ass or stuff like this. I've never. I've never noticed that he... he'd like the d. This is new. Am I a bad friend?

No. No. Nononono. No, no. No.

I jump up, grab my chemistry stuff and hurry away. "See you later, Niall!", is all I shout to explain my behaviour. Fuck. This is my best friend, I'm running away from my best friend. I'm pathetic.

Monday, lunchtime

"Hey Harry", I hear Niall's voice greet me and then I feel a body sitting next to me. Like always. I scoot away from him, which makes Niall frown. 

"Is everything okay?", he asks softly, leaning a bit closer to me and I can't help but back away.

"D-Don't touch me, you faggot!", I whisper-shout and see Niall's face fall and he gets even paler than he usually is. It scares me. I scare myself. Why am I acting like that? Why am I rude to him?

"But H-Harry... I thought it'd be o-okay... since you're m-my b-best friend?", Niall is on the verge of tears and his voice is hoarse and weak. I don't want to see him like that. I hate when Niall's crying, there should be a law against that. I know Niall's sensitive but... I don't, I'm not... not usually the reason for his tears- I. I can't cope with that.

"So, you just assume things, yeah? Why don't you think for a change? Why would I like... a... a... pansy like you?", I hiss. "You disgust me! Get the hell away from me!", when in reality, I disgust myself and I want to get the hell away from myself. Niall doesn't deserve this, he's an angel, he's wonderful and always, always happy. Am I becoming a monster or something?

Niall next to me gulps and big tears start rolling down his cheeks, he sniffs and I just want to punch myself. Instead of doing that, I glare at what probably used to be my best friend while he stands up and runs away. I want to follow him, say sorry, but I don't and inside of me, I want to destroy myself.

Tuesday, 30 minutes before the school starts

I haven't seen Niall for the rest of yesterday and I've never felt worse and more pathetic. I miss talking to him, it wasn't even a whole day and I already miss it. It's my fault, I know that but. But. I can't explain. Something in me holds me back, I just don't know what it is. 

Niall and I usually never fight, we're the best of mates. Always were. Not anymore. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself. 

I slam my locker door closed and punch it one time and lean against it. I came to school early, because I don't want to face Niall... too soon at least. Usually Niall and I are always late, it's just, we're just... we always have so much to talk about and then we forget the time. The teachers are accustomed to that.