Remedial Heart (LeAga)

twelve

*may contain profanity

"Now?" I curiously asked

"Yes, now. It's not finding myself again.

He paused and took a deep breath

"It's finding...

You!"

Woah. I didnt see that coming.

"Look, Doc Lea, i'm falling in love with you. When I saw you for the first time, I knew I had found someone wonderful. And ever since then, all I have wanted is to be with you. I am so, so very interested in you. I want to know you. I want to learn every last detail about you.I want to hear all of your stories; how your everyday duty went through and how you managed it. Please allow me to love you."

"O-okay... I--I.. I" I stammered and scratched my forehead

"I think everything's going so fast Sir. I'll think about it, but I'm not that sure if you can get a positive response with regards to this matter"

"I respect your decision, and I understand that i'm too spontaneous about this. But I just want you to know that I am serious about you.. about us!"

I clasped my hands. I cannot say anything. I'm just---- i dont know. I cant fall for this man, he's too genuine, he's too gentle.

"As wha— as what i've said, i need time to reflect and to think about it. As of now—" I tried to smile "I need to go, please excuse me"

As I stand in our seat, he held my hand

"I will patiently wait for you!" he said.
---------

I still get scared all the time. I am still scared to commit my heart to another man. I've spent thousands of hours in isolation, not letting myself be forgiving. You do realized how damaged you are that every person you've met; you search for the bad in them all. I had become injurious to myself, and I knew the only way to stop the atrophy is to face the causative agent of this pain. I haven't talked to Thomas, we still have no closure. I admit I still cant get over of what he did to me. The fact that I've invested a lot of emotions in our relationship, that I've thought he was the one, that i've entrust everything to him; these emotionally pained me.Deep inside me is a punctured wound still fresh as what I felt five years ago and time didnt heal me.

***********
"Hi Hun!"

I gave him a back hug. He was surprised when he saw me.

"H-hi hun!"

"O, what's wrong?"

He shook his head. He looked so anxious, he can't even look at me straight to the eye.

"Ahh Hun, can we talk?"

"We're talking. Why?"

"I mean, can I drop by at your apartment later?"

Weird. This is the first time he asked permission to drop by the apartment.

Night came, and we're off duty.

He hugged me so tight and he started crying.

"Sorry Lei, i am really sorry."

"Why? what is this?"

"Earlier, Pauline—"

Pauline, his senior Doctor.

"Doc Pauline?"

"—Yes Doc Pauline. My senior Doctor."

"Yeah, yeah I know her"

"If I wasnt there at the Doctors' lounge, she would probably lost her baby."