Here We Go Again

The Grieving Stage

I wanted to ask him, but I didn't. I forbid myself to even mention the girl, if I did I'd have to connect her blood-ties, and feel the darkness come out before the moon does outside. For a moment, I wanted to forget.

That feeling of desperation came back. It quickened, it became nervous, it became terrified, and it started screaming and banging all around my head.

I swallowed.

"I miss you, you know," Liam whispered, his brown eyes looking straight at me and they were so bloody emotional. He was so real. How does that happen?

My hands shook with that mix of desperation and fear. I inhaled deeply in attempts to calm myself. With a single, tiny second of clarity, I patted the free spot on my left.

With his reborn smile, Liam approached the bed happily. He sat down, continued to focus his brown stare at me, and his right hand reached for my left one.

My hand automatically balled into a fist, but I had to remind myself that Liam was Liam. Liam didn't mean any harm. Liam had never broken me before. I could trust Liam. He was my best friend. I loved Liam.

He begun to talk about something, but I couldn't hear him as my own eyes focused on his hand holding mine. His fingertips were touching the bare skin of my thighs, and it felt warm. His hand gently held onto mine, and that felt warm, too.

What happened next could only be blamed on his warmness and the desperation screaming in my head.

My arms flew and wrapped around his neck. If it would've been an embrace, he wouldn't have looked so startled. But what shocked him was the fact that my mouth found his, and that my lips trapped his with the movement of a kiss.

It was not the first time Liam and I shared a kiss. When we were younger, I used to occasionally peck him so that he could subdue in whichever game we were playing. It would always fluster him, he was so naive, but it'd never meant anything. Then, a year ago, while he sorted out how to approach his feelings for his ex-girlfriend and I, he decided to kiss me to find out what it all meant. It didn't go well, considering that I threatened to castrate him if he ever attempted to snog me again.

Now it was my turn. Now I kissed him by free-will.

"Nia," he managed to breathe out as he moved his head to the side, trying to fight me off as kindly as he could while his hands gripped my shoulders and pushed me back. "Stop. Nia, come on."

His strength surprisingly overpowered mine, and so we separated a few inches. I glared at him. "I don't want to stop," the words quivered, tears somehow threatening to bring themselves to life. "Please, Liam."

My best friend shook his head, so unaware of my impending breakdown. "It's not right."

"Says who?" I snapped, my hands, in turn, clutching onto his shoulders roughly.

"Nia, you're my best friend. Wait for a moment, okay. Realize what you're trying to do."

Through clenched teeth, I let out a shaky breath. "Just kiss me, Liam. Please."

"Why do you want that?"

"Because," I muttered in response, "it makes me feel."

He dropped his hands from my shoulders, but the right one went to cup the side of my face. Again, his brown gaze narrowed on me, looking at every aspect of me, and there was a fight in them as he did so. I thought that he was going to refuse, why wouldn't he after all, that was just the type of bloke he was, but he surprised me.

Love filled his brown eyes, making them sparkle at me and for me. His eyelids fluttered closed, and he leaned towards me. His mouth found mine in the sweetest of kisses.