Here We Go Again
Chapter 30: Feel Again
Everything happened in slow motion; every second stretched into an hour and lasted a lifetime. All was a blur.
I remember the pain, though. I can sorta see it through a haze: when my water broke, the pain shooting up my body, the throbbing of my lower abdomen, and I can even see Uncle Harry cradling me in his arms as I screamed for mercy...
There were so many tears, but none of them were for the contractions. I wasn't pleading for the ease of that pain, but for the one produced by a broken heart. I wanted the pain of my heartbreak to be taken away. I wanted to be numb, I remember that. I just wanted the world to stop spinning, I wanted to fall into darkness and never come out.
How could he leave? The crushing weight of that question was the primary source of devastation through the hazy memories. Uncle Harry talked a lot, I could hear him in the background, but I remember the question was all the noise in my head aside from my own screams. How could he leave me?
Vaguely, I remember being lowered onto a white mattress in one of the maternity ward' rooms of St. Mungos. I remember seeing Uncle Harry mouthing words to me, an encouraging glint to his eyes, and I remember thinking he was out of his mind. He was seeing something I wasn't—something I didn't want to see.
With tears adding more to the haze the memories were, I made out the figure of Aunt Angelina marching through the door of my room. Usually, she was composed and a complete professional. When it came to a relative being hurt—which occurred frequently in our family—she was never one to panic, but it was different this time, I remember that. The background was filled with her shouts, her assistants running in and out, and Uncle Harry rushing to my bedside, clutching onto one of my hands.
'Help her, Angelina!' I managed to catch Uncle Harry shout.
None of it made sense to me, and I didn't want it to. I just wanted to be left alone. I wanted everyone to just leave me to disappear and to mourn. Couldn't they see? Couldn't they see that I wasn't there? That my life and heart was gone? That Derrick Rowle took it with him? I just wanted to die. I just wanted darkness to win over me.
That's when Mum and Dad came in. Merlin, that was the only clear fragment of all these hazy memories. It was my mum's terrified face, her blue eyes crying fat tears, and Dad shouting at Aunt Angelina just as Uncle Harry had. They were so hectic, they were so loud...I knew in that moment that I was them in their youth.
None of that mattered, either. They didn't matter, my parents. I wanted it to be the last time I saw them before Death came for me. I was tired, so tired.
'You're going to be okay, 'oney,' Mum spoke to me in a teary whisper, her soft hands caressing my cheeks as Aunt Angelina and Dad continued to discuss loudly in the background. 'You're going to be fine, I promise. I will be 'ere every moment of zee way, mon chéri.'
Get out, I remember wanting to scream.
I didn't want her to touch me. I didn't want them with me, I wanted them gone. I didn't want them inside the room, not when they have judged me before. They saw my pain, they knew of my heartbreak, but I knew they thought I deserved it. Careless, foolish girl—that's what they thought of me. I knew they thought I deserved it. Well, fine. I was suffering already. I was dying. The boy they said would hurt me in the end had—and it was brutal. They didn't need to be here, their point had been proven.
I hate you, I remember thinking, too.
Another scream rushed up my throat and shattered past my lips. A contraction hit me with great force, sending waves of pain throughout my body. I screamed, screamed, screamed.
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Here We Go AgainFanfiction
The Next Generation has survived tragedies and enjoyed happiness during their first years at Hogwarts. Now older, smarter, and more united, their bonds are tested as life keeps getting harder. Everything starts to get challenged when emotions change...