ABCs of Negan

L is for Love

What are Negan's thoughts on love? Well, he'd say that he's never experienced it, that love is some make-believe bullshit...but that would be his defense mechanism kicking in. You see, Negan has experienced love with multiple women over the course of his lifetime...but he's also lost them.

Growing up, Negan loved his mother unconditionally. She was the kind of mom who made pancakes every Saturday morning, who was always supportive and encouraging...who never made Negan feel unworthy or unloved, despite the fact that his father was an abusive asshole, whom his mother had left when Negan was just a baby. His mother never missed a soccer game, school recital, or birthday party. And she made sure to tell him that she loved him every single day...

Until Negan was 14...until she was driving home from work one evening in November and slid on a patch of unseen ice and careened into an oncoming vehicle. That was the first time that Negan realized that love could be taken away, leaving you with only memories and a cold, grey stone in the ground with a name carved upon it.

He then went to live with his grandmother. She moved slowly, and her memory wasn't the best, but she loved Negan...and he loved her back. She made sure he graduated high school and went to college, where he learned that he had an interest in studying education. His grandmother encouraged him to pursue this dream, saying that she could hardly wait until he graduated and could have his own classroom. She bragged to all her bingo buddies about what a grand teacher he was going to become.

Then, during his senior year of college, his grandmother had a stroke. The doctors said that it didn't look too good, but they let her go home. Negan commuted to his classes and spent all of his free time taking care of her...and three months later she was gone.

Negan thought about quitting school, about giving up, but he knew that neither his mother or his grandmother would be happy about that. So he finished out his last year of college, walking onto the stage at graduation...he was one of the only students who had no family section to cheer him on.

Not long after he graduated, he was offered a job at a nearby school, to be their math teacher and ping pong coach. He accepted, and was able to use his meager salary to get a small apartment of his own. It was one day while he was walking home from the school that he passed two boys, who had a box of golden retriever puppies for sale. He picked the runt of the litter, named her Max, and took her home.

He loved the hell out of that dog; she was his constant companion. Always excited to see him when he got home from work, and always quick to snuggle up beside him on the couch while he watched TV. It was because of Max that Negan met Lucille.

It was a cool, fall day, when Max was three years old, that she and Negan were taking their usual walk through the park. They came across a beautiful woman with deep brown hair and soulful eyes, who was sitting on a bench reading. Max, who was usually well-behaved and therefore didn't need a leash when in the park, ran up to the lady, despite Negan's commands to heel. The woman laughed as Max stuck her cold, wet nose under the book and begged for attention. It was then that the woman looked up and saw Negan, their eyes connecting. Negan felt a weird sensation in the pit of his stomach as he held out a hand to introduce himself; the woman fit her hand into his and said that her name was Lucille...

16 months later they were married, and Negan finally felt as though he had a family again. After years of feeling alone, he now felt loved...and he was able to love in return.

After a year of marriage, he and Lucille decided to try and expand their family. After months and months of trying, and various doctor's appointments and tests, the results came back that parenthood wasn't going to be in their future after all. Negan suggested adopting, but Lucille was too depressed about the fact that she couldn't conceive. She snapped out at Negan, telling him that adoption was a stupid idea, so he never brought it up again.