120 days of Summer

Day 120

  The human kind itself had to feel, that's why we got brain with the ability to feel.
I don't know why but our feelings become to sadness, devastation, suicide and emptiness.
These feeling was surrounded me, and in the past minutes I was aware to myself more than ever, like I was thinking objectively in the first time in my life.
The hotel room started to circle around, what gave me dizzy. All I wanted is to fall asleep and never wake up.
The minutes passed, I saw the bed absorb the red, my vomit and tears.

***

~Austin's point of view~ :

I was drunk. Like in every night in the past week, since Summer left. I was hurt and broken.
I closed myself in my apartment, ignored calls and texts. When I wasn't drunk, I was sitting in my room staring at the ceiling and sometimes writing new songs or just random words.
I think that tonight I was too much annoying, what I realized only when the alcohol began fading from my system.
At this point the pain still was bearable and only guilt was washing me, wondering how much I hurt Summer.
Two hours or so past since I last texted Summer, and I was laying on the cold floor, wondering how much life sucks. My summer was amazing until some asshole decided to hit my girlfriend and rub her money.
I don't know how long I was sitting half naked on the floor but when I've got message I saw it was past 12.
No one ever texted me at this time, and since I still was numb I could delete some of the texts.
In my inbox were 20 unread messages, and the last one was from Summer.
Without hesitation I opened it, desperate for forgiveness and mercy. When I began reading it I understood that something is wrong.

Hey Austin...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of what I did, especially to you. You deserve better life.
The better life that you'll get when you forget me, what is impossible. It possible only when
I'm not existing.
I know that until you find me I'm be gone, far far away.
Sorry again,
I love you

I dropped my phone on the floor, knowing that the only way for her to disappear is to die. Tears started streaming my face, my body shook like I was going to fly into the air.
While I was wearing the nearest shirt I called Alan, the only one who I can trust to help me and I knew that was available at this time.

"Austin! you know we went crazy, you need to start...", I interrupted him in the middle of his lecture.
"Alan, you can yell on me later but I think that Summer is going to kill herself. I need you to call Jeremy. Now!!!". My voice was full with fear, what made Alan worried too.
"I'll do it, and I'm coming to your house", while he was talking with me I heard him closing his front door with the bunch of keys he had always on a reach.

While I was waiting for Alan I tried to call Summer's phone, but it kept ringing and ringing till I reached voice mail.
Ten minutes passed until Alan was in my front door, talking with someone on the phone.
"No, she doesn't answer the phone! she just sent us some weird text...", I could hear him begging, asking for help.
'Give me the phone', I signaled Alan with my eyes and he gave me the phone without any questions.

"Jeremy, please tell me where she is...I beg you!", the man was inpatient, busy with another worries.
"If Summer doesn't want to talk you at this moment I'll respect her decision", I had one last try.
"She's going to kill herself and if you won't tell me where she is, her death will be on your conscience ", the stress was hitting him and finely he gave up.
"Fine, she's at the 'Solgar" hotel, room 45".

When we finished the phone call both me and Alan sprinted to Alan's car, slamming the door, starting the engine and driving as fast as possible. After 15 minutes we were at our destination. In the reception was sitting old lady who didn't give a damn about us, the only thing she did was to look at the new visitors and when she realized that we don't interested in a room she went back to her knitting.
"What floor is room 45?", I asked with trembling voice.
"Third floor", she answered with a rusty voice of a long time smoker.
We decided to run in the stairs because waiting to the elevator was too much stressful.
When we finely got to the third floor we were breathless and stressful than before, just because the moment of truth was near.
Room 45 was in the end of the hallway. Alan knocked on the door and when there weren't any answer he pushed the door, which was surprisingly open.
There, on the bloody bed was laying the girl I love, the most beautiful girl in the world, who was full of vomit on her.

"Bring me towels, clothes or whatever we can stop the blood!", I yelled on Alan with panic. I checked for pulse and breathing, which she both had, but she had limited time.
I raised her body with my hands and took her to the bathroom.
The minute I lay her down in the bath Alan wrapped her arms with towels,tying them so tight that we could buy minute or two.
"Call 911, and do it fast", I was yelling while I pushed my fingers into Summer's throat.
She began vomiting all what she took, small tears rolling on her cheeks, making me also crying a bit.

Few minutes latter the ambulance came and took Summer, leaving me crying in the room. I could feel the panic attack building its foundations inside of me.
With crying me Alan took me to the hospital to wait for the unknown, wondering if we came too late.

***

I was looking into his beautiful eyes, we were laying inside his bunk. Our breath was fast.
I love Austin's smell, so manly and strong.
"Wake up you two, sex can wait after the show!", I heard Tino yelling from the center of the bus. We both laughed and exited the bunk.
Suddenly everyone disappeared, leaving me alone again. Everything went blank,like white paper. In front of me appeared all the people I ever met- Sky, Vic, Tonny, Jaime, Mike, Tino, Alan, Aaron, Phil, Hannah and the most important one is Austin.
When each face appeared in front of me many scenes came back to me, letting me remember.
Slowly I began remembering my life, my love, my friends, my family-the real family.

***

I was sitting in her room for hours after they stitched her arms and cleaned her stomach from all those pills she took.
I was happy she is alive and I wasn't too late to save her. The only problem is she won't remember me and then she'll just ask me to leave. Again.
The bopping machine kept me company, letting me to know she's alive.
The sky outside was becoming brighter, and a new day started again. I was tired, and the panic and stress which kept me awake started to fade.
Summer's breath, which was steady, became more heavier and a nurse ran into the room, taking out the tube which was inside her mouth.
Her eyes opened and finely she was awake and breathing, but the most important thing was that she's alive.
"Hey", I said to her.
"Hello", she answered with weak voice.
We stared at each other quietly for a minute.
"Come sit next to me", she said after long silence.
I did as she asked me, dragging a chair to sit next to her.
"I'm sorry I did it, I'm sorry I hurt you", small tears rolled down her cheeks and I wan't sure if I can wipe them away. Summer looked me straight into the eyes.
"If you want me to go, I'll go", before I could stand up she grabbed my hand and combined our fingers together.
"I remember, I remember falling into you, I remember our first kiss, I remember our first everything".
All I could do is to cry, just like a baby.