120 days of Summer

Day 8-part one

  All night I touched my lips. The memory of the kiss didn't let me sleep well because all I could think about was if Austin gonna use me or if he likes me,but because my shitty personality it felt to me like he was using me. I can't remember the days when I could trust someone... sometimes I feel so small, maybe because of the mistakes I did when I was younger. It started when I was 14. I've met a boy,not a such a boy after I started to get knowing him. He was 20 years old, with pretty smile and amazing blue eyes, he could make you feel so good with only words. He told me that he love me,and after the first fight he started to call me fat and because I loved him so much I forgave him over and over again, that's was the point when I started to cut myself and stopped eating. He told me that I was prettier skinny, he kissed my scars. One day he came in the middle of the night,he said he can't see me suffering so he had a way to get it better, I trusted him, I had no reason not to. This night was the first night that I sneak out to do drugs. The days became unbearable and I began to smoke cigarettes. He wanted to have sex but at this point I was still strong, I stood on mine. Year later he had enough, it was him or my horrible life, off course I choose him... a year after,when I was almost 16 he left me,my life was ruined so I've decided to end upday my life and that was the day when my parents took me to st. Moriss hospital. Almost four years after and I can't trust men,no matter how cute or nice they are. I met Austin a week ago and all happened too fast,I need time for myself. I need to stop seeing Austin.
I had bad feeling about today, I'm lucky to have Hannah with me,she can have the interaction with the bands and all I'll do is going to be 'behind the scene'."Hannah!! Wake up",I yelled to the air and kicked at her bunk which was right above mine. "Shut up,I hate you", she yelled back. "What I did now?" , I complained. "Because of you Vic invited me clubbing and at the end he tried to kiss me because he was DRUNK and I just ran away!!!". "That's not bad at all...now you have a reason to stay".. "fuck you bitch", she told me before she pulled my curtain and entered to my bunk. We layed side by side,listening to each other breath. "How was your date with Austin?", "he kissed me and now I'm going to ignore him", Hannah knew about my past and that was the reason why she stayed quiet. "I need a favor", "you need me as your assistant?", "yep", "fuck you,you lucky to have me here", I gave her a hug and we decided to wake up and go to have breakfast together, just me and she.