120 days of Summer

Day 20

I was falling for Austin.

The realization of this thing scared the hell out of me. I knew from beginning that our relationship is dommed to end. In a little bit more than a month warped is going to end,and they are gonna go touring in Europe leaving me behind. I knew that I'm gonna work at my uncle's office at LA because he needed me there,and I would go to college and I think that I won't have any time for him.

I was terrified and had no idea what to do, I need someone to talk to. The right person for me would be Sky but I decided to talk to someone who's closer to Austin.

Can we talk?Yeah! AnythingI'd rather do it more privatelySo meet me in five min?Thanks

I've was nervous but he was the only one thrust worthy. Just as promised Vic showed up,wearing his black beanie which I adored since I saw it in the interviews.
"Everything's fine?", his face was worried.
"I don't know,so much stuff happened in these day's".
I've told Vic everything, even about Hannah,and he just listened with a serious face.
"I don't what to say...I really like Hannah but I have feelings to another girl", he said and I could see the pain in his eyes.
"But...", I asked questioningly.
"But she's taken and as I understand she loves him...".
At this moment I didn't even though about the girl but just gave him a cheerful hug. Vic was amazing and the girl who didn't look at him was really stupid.
"I think that I need to break up with Austin. He doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve to get the fucked up girl", Vic just looked at me and disagree with thar statemant.
"Shut up,you are the most amazing girl in the world and who had you win a bigger price than the lottery!". For his sweet words I gave him a hug,Vic wrapped his arms around me but when we started to release our hands we found ourselves looking at each other eyes. You could see all the love and appreciation inside them,in those big brown eyes. I could feel the butterflies inside my belly becoming more like a wasps, leaving my heart damaged.
When I realized what was happening I just backed out and didn't look at him.
"I'll see you around", I mumbled and ran away from him before he could say anything.
YEP,I'M A FUCKED UP GIRL.
My mind was so confused, and all I wanted is to scream in the air. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Since it was sound check time my bus was empty and every person who could interrupt me was busy.
I found the razor which was inside the first aid kit that inside the bathroom.
The little piece of metal was just a temporary answer but I couldn't handle this life and pain anymore. The cold metal cut my flesh and the red blood started to flow on my legs. This time I just added more mess to the already slashed tights.
I hate myself right now.
A little knock on the bathroom door just made my heart drop down.
"Summer? Can we talk? ", Vic's voice said behind the door.
"Just in a sec...", my voice was trembling, and I tried to put myself back together.
I wipe the blood and wrapped my leg's with some toilet paper and unlocked the bathroom door.
"Can you come later? ",I tried to repress whatever he was trying to do.
"You look awful! I saw you ten minutes ago!", but the realization of what I did just hit him and he stopped talking.
"Why?", was all he said.
I couldn't answer his and just started to cry. Vic took me inside the bunk lounge and pusged me inside my bunk.
He let me cry inside his chest, without knowing that I knew about his feelings to me.

We sat there for a while, I was just getting call's and texts all the time. It was only 20 days since the Warped started but I felt things for two amazing guys who liked me too...
even though I was falling foe Austin I had feelings to Vic.
I hate being confused, but life brought me here and all I could do is just give some time for myself and figure out my feelings.

When Vic had to go back to his band I was happy that I was left alone and could just sit there all by myself and try to think about the last few days. First Hannah trying to kill herself, then my mixed feelings for Austin and Vic. Yep,I'm a fucked up.

A hour later and some pain killers,coffee and new make up I was ready to show up for the public. I've decided not to rush about taking time with my and Austin's relationship and see where it goes, hopefully my little crush on Vic just puss by by my life.

When the today's show ended I said goodbye to the crew since we were leaving at the morning to our next destination and I would probably sleeping all the ride.
Hannah's mom called me earlier and told me that she and Hannah would stay at Salt Lake city for a while but she will call when Hannah will wake up from the come and the meds.
All this day just gave one big headache and when it finely ended I let the bad thoughts rush into my head and fill it to the end.
Before going to sleep I just listened to some sad music,wishing that I was dead and looking at the darkness.