Evergreen (sequel to Green for Good?!)

An endless cycle is always attempted to be broken

After finishing uni at 12 promptly, Caitlin had just got home, armed with a very excited Austin. He'd just spent the day at nursery, and being in a room full of kids for such a long length of time had that effect on him. Going to uni part-time instead of full-time was so rewarding for Caitlin. She found she was less stressed, learning more, and generally happier as she got to spend more time with the two special  boys in her life. Today was October 4th, the day Caitlin had her scheduled appointment with Georgina to see how she was getting along. At 19 weeks, she was huge, and couldn't easily see her toes.  Her many symptoms were becoming annoyingly persistent, much to her husband's over-protective concern, and made it hard for her to get through the day. Austin was now 22 months, and growing up fast. He could easily say simple things such as 'mumma' and 'dadda', and was now a fairly independent walker. He was growing up to be almost the exact replica of his daddy, and Caitlin hoped the twins looked as much like her as Austin looked like Jackson.

Caitlin was sat munching on a peanut butter and strawberry sandwich while watching Thomas the Tank Engine with Austin when she suddenly felt extremely nauseous. She rose, clutching her stomach. And that's when the dizziness hit. She dialled her best friend Lucy's number, while thanking God for the luxury of speed diall, and bit her lip as she waited. Lucy soon picked up. "Hey Cate! Long time no see! Or hear! Or whatever." "Can you come over?" Caitlin said, her voice barely a whisper as she panted in pain and effort. "Sure. I'm on my way. What's up?" "Don't know. Just come quick. i need you to look after Austin." She gasped, and then instantly hung up much, she was sure, to Lucy's despair. Just then, Jackson arrived at the odd time of half past 12.

"Cate? Honey? Are you ok?" He asked, once he saw the state his wife was in. He quickly placed Austin in his playpen, so he was out of trouble, and then rushed to his wife's aid. "Baby?" "Yes, I'm here. It's ok, you're ok. Now just tell me what happened."He said, his voice not portraying any of his panic and instead being much calmer than he was. "What are you doing here?" "I'm on lunch break. I thought I'd come and surprise you. It's a good job I did. Why didn't you call?" "I was just... about to." She panted. "Relax, honey. Lay down here." He instructed, carefully placing Caitlin on to the sofa. "Have you called an ambulance?" "It's not.... that bad." "Caitlin, now is not the time for this. It is that bad! Hell, it's a million times worse! You need to stop doing this!" "Doing....what?" "You know what I mean! Hiding your pain from me! I know you do it. Because I know you. It worries me a million times more when you don't tell me." "I'm s-sorry." "It's ok. I'll call the ambulance." "No! Please no. If you have to call... call Georgina."

And he did. Lucy came, and took Austin back to her house that she shared with her boyfriend Liam that was literally five minutes away. Georgina arrived, ever professional, and on a mission.

"Ok, so symptoms, go! I need to decided whether you, my dear, need to be hospitalised, and  quickly!" "Umm, uh, dizziness, nausea, fatigue, migraines and stomach pains." "Caitlin! When did all that happen? And why didn't you tell me?" "At uni. And you weren't there to tell!" "You could've called." "Please lets not get into this now!" She groaned. "Alright, alright. I'm sorry." He said, squeezing his wife's hand comfortingly. "Alright so, hospital it is." "Why? What's wrong?" Jackson asked, as he began to become paranoid. "That's the point, I don't know. And unclear diagnosis means running tests, and tests mean hospital. So Jackson, my friend, can you please go and pack everything you guys will need? You have five minutes, stat! By the way, it would've been a million times more helpful if you'd called an ambulance rather then me." Just before he left Jackson remarked, "Ha! Told you so!" to his wife who simply rolled her eyes. 'Childish weirdo', she thought.

After many tests had been conducted, Georgina was finally able to inform Caitlin of her diagnosis. "Ok, so you have iron deficiency anemia, and your other symptoms are due to stress. Do you feel  in any way depressed, or physically and/ or mentally exhausted?" Georgina asked Caitlin, blunt as ever. "I, well, those questions are really personal..." She began. "Caitlin!" Both Jackson and Georgina exclaimed at the same time. "Answer the question." Georgina demanded. "Come on honey, just be honest." Jax encouraged. "Alright, alright!" Caitlin yelled, now in tears. "Yes, ok! Yes, I feel depressed and physically and mentally exhausted! Are you freakin'  happy now?" She shrieked, tears rolling down her face as she crawled into the tightest ball-shape she could with her huge stomach. Jackson wrapped his arms around her, and played with her hair in an attempt to soother her. Gradually, his attempt became successful. "How long have you been feeling this way?" Caitlin muttered something incoherent. "Pardon?" She let out a long sigh. "Ever since I found out I was pregnant really. Or maybe a day or two after, or whatever." "Why didn't you tell me?" "Cause I knew you'd think I'm crazy." "What? I know now and I don't think that." "Yes you do, because it's the truth." "No it's not, why would you say that?" Silence. "Honey?" "It isn't normal for me to react so strangely to pregnancy. I mean I love Austin, and I love the twins, but at the same time I find myself thinking my life would be a million times easier without them in it. And that makes me a truly terrible, heinous person!" "No. No, it doesn't." Georgina, who had been quiet, spoke up. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Caitlin, one of our best psychologists is here to see you." She said softly, delicately almost as though she were tiptoeing around Caitlin.  "No! No! You can't make me see them. They'll say I'm crazy! Please." "Shhhhh, honey. It's for the best, it really is. C'mon now, c'mon." Jackson whispered in her ear.

Caitlin's in-depth psycho-analysis confirmed that she was in fact depressed, as well as 'medically exhausted' whatever that meant. She was to be hospitalised for just under a week, and prescribed anti-depressants for the duration of her pregnancy.

"Do you hate me?" She whispered. "Of course not. I could never hate you, love." "Why? I'd hate me. In fact, I do hate me. So why don't you?" "Because I love you, and there's really nothing to hate." "Yes there is. Every time I get pregnant, instead of being gloriously happy and glowing like the sun like you're supposed to, I get chronically depressed. Now that, is simply hateful of me." "No, it's really not. And besides, you're getting better, you're trying. That's what really counts." "Thank you." She whispered. "You're welcome." "I love you." "I love you too, Mrs Rivers."