lethal love • jungkook

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Chapter Nineteen

I lay in bed, I see him at the window again. It's a dark night, I know that it's beautiful because of the white moon that throws an eerie yet mysterious aura down on earth.

I look around my room and I see pictures, fake smiles, emotions that weren't true. Back then I called them illusion and I knew they were all artificial; not beautiful.

And I know the night is indeed beautiful because you come to visit me again.

I have the pen enclosed in my right hand, signing the letter and with that; writing my last words.

I see you mouthing those words from the other side of the window. You mouth them, you write them on the foggy window after breathing against it and eventually you scream them and they echo inside my head.

All in or nothing, hyejin.

///
dear j.j.k,

It's myself,
I just took about a 10 benzodiazepine pills, I feel great, better than I have ever for the last time.
Even though I denied having feelings for so many years of my existence, I can now finally say that I was wrong all this time.

When you came into my life, I was unsure what to think, I have to admit. Though, I soon learned that even an uneasy mind was a feeling, a illusion; a word that I had used so often yet it made no sense at all.

Today I am able to say that I feel, Jungkook.

I fear,

I hate,

I pity,

I revolt with disgust.

And; most importantly; I love.

In the begging I wasn't able to distinguish all of them. Thanks to you, I got to know the bliss that you were talking about all this time.

It comes gradually. At first it's just a hint of a tingle in the pit of your stomach, but it takes over your every cell eventually. Sometimes it was just inevitable.

I don't know in what other way I can show my gratitude, other than giving in for you.

I give my life, for you, for what you have done for me. I hope that we can finally, truly unite as one and that we can finally embrace each other, I hope I can finally feel  your delicate words ringing through my ears and through my mind really and rationally, I hope I can feel illusions together with you.

I can't wait to see you entirely.

I love you.

hyejin.
///

I doze off.