In Where Gerard Is Awkward And Tries To Seduce Frank

(13) Taking My Training Wheels Off For You Because You Mean More Than Drugs

Frank

I felt sick when I woke up. I de-tangled myself from the sleeping beauty next to me and rushed to the bathroom.

This was my least favorite part of coming down from the high.

Bile rose in my throat, choking and burning my airways until it split out into the toilet. The yellowish clear substance was burning and making me gag. A soft hand was on my back and rubbing it, Gerard's soft words soothing me. My arms felt like they were going to snap from shaking too much and my throat hurt from the acid spewing from my mouth. A soft pounding in my head was starting to become for violent as it seemed to get stronger. My forehead was dripping in sweat by the time I emptied the contents left in my body completely in the toilet. Weakly, I flushed the bile away and Gerard helped me up, my hands finding their way to the counter. Dark circles made a home under my eyes as I washed my hands then brushing my teeth... Again... And again.

Gerard just watched, leaning against the wall with a worried look painted on his face, black strands hanging in his eyes. My stomach tightened as I felt sick again but I don't believe I could manage even throwing up again. My throat was completely raw by this point, the burning unbearable.

My hand twitched, almost a twitch for the need of a fix, but Gerard gave me a look that made me feel like dying. I wiped my forehead and leaned on the wall for support back to my bedroom.

My stomach is still churning and I laid back on the bed, sweat covering my body. Gerard gave a sad smile and he slowly rubbed my fore arm where it was bruised from the puncture of the needle.

"Where's the rest, Frank?" He whispered. Panic rose in my throat then spread across my face. My heart started beating faster. I couldn't go long without it.

Really, it started with Bob actually being a customer and I let him pay with drugs. First it was pills....then it was heroine when I needed a stronger drug. He got hooked and used to use it daily to take the edge off of feeling the pain of being a slut. He started trying to get off of it but it had me by the throat. I came crawling back each fucking time after at least a week. I was doing good this time. Popped a pill or a painkiller and it wore off by lunch.

Gerard was like a drug as well though. He made me feel on top of the world sometimes but I couldn't handle this. I needed it in my system. I needed it.

"Frank. Frank are you okay? Frankie reply to me. Where are the drugs?" Gerard asked, concern etched across his face. "Focus on me." He whispered, taking my hand gently and rubbing his thumb in circles on my palm.

"B-bathroom." I mumbled. I felt my heart slowly deflate as if someone pricked it with a pin tack. I really had no reason to be upset but it's like finding out you have to be taken off pain killers and having to deal with the agony of a broken bone throbbing in a constant thumb that made you want to just die. In reality, it was just drugs and they aren't good for you but honestly, when you've been hooked on them for over a year because a customer who couldn't pay money at the time paid you in drugs then they slowly became a regular because they would give you the best or freshest batch of the poison they had in stalk, you get hooked. The real problem though is how being a prostitute even came around to be an idea bouncing around in my head about two or so years ago. Really though, it's one word.

Debt.

I didn't want to ask my papa or my uncle for money. Mama still had debt and we were still working to pay it all off after her death. Linda Iero was a strong lady and she was strong till the end when the chemotherapy stopped working. Two or so years ago, we were drowning in papers called bills from the hospital, from the funeral home, last bills until the building where the restaurant now stands was ours by law, emergency trips to Italy because some distant relative I've never met became ill and might not make it. When mom died, we found she was in quite a bit of debt and especially from the bank where it seemed she had a habit of taking out loans ranging from years before where she was slowly paying it back but taking out more money so I could have a birthday or papa could have that watch he's had his eye on for the past few weeks for his birthday.