First Faith

Chapter 36: Connection

            Young one, Luxray murmured, Love is not meant to be only pain. You confuse how to process love and, because of that, how to define it.

            "How to process it?" I repeated.

            Love does not change with separation. Not in the way you think. If you truly love Demi, and if you trust in God, then all will be well. Missing her will not be a wound if you love and trust properly.

            "I'm only beginning to work on both of those."

            Luxray's tail flicked in what I assumed was amusement, Your honesty will take you farther than pain. Continue with humility, remembering that the paths you both walk are more important than yourselves. Love will make more sense in time.

            "Great. Now I'm even taking advice from Pokemon." I said, too upset to feel annoyed, "And it turns out I can't even turn it down."

            You may turn it down, but I advise against that action or else the little humility you have gained will turn back into pride.

            "Talking Pokemon. Giving me advice about how to say good bye to little girls." I muttered, then straightened suddenly, my head whipping to the garden entrance.

            Of course. I had been so distraught that I hadn't realized Luxray couldn't speak to me on his own accord. Of course she had been nearby. Of course, as usual, she seemed to know my every thought, my every emotion, before I could process them. Before I was ready to share them.

            There were those intelligent eyes of hers. Stubborn, I realized. Stubbornly adult as they held mine in their knowing, in how much they loved. Stubbornly child-like as they held the pain I felt, the mask of not wanting anyone to see her cry.

            I opened up that thought to her and gave a small smile, "I guess we have more in common than I thought."

            That was as much invitation as she needed. With a sob, she ran, her arms reaching towards me. This time, I was ready for her. I didn't let her just tackle into me. I held out my own arms, encircled her, lifted her up, pressed her body against my chest as I held her. She was a skinny child, so light. Why hadn't I realized how craved for affection she was? Why hadn't I hugged her more, smiled at her, laughed at her jokes? Why, not once, had I really paid her a compliment or told her how glad I was that I knew her?

            Yet the words wouldn't come. My face was pressed against the top of her head, her black hair smooth under my cheeks. So different from the top of Luxray's head. My shirt was wet from her tears. My arms were warm from keeping her against me. My throat was raw despite not speaking, despite not allowing myself to shed more tears. I shook a bit.

            I feel how you feel. I heard in my mind, I don't need words.

            I felt her own sadness as she shared it. How upset she'd been this morning, knowing it was her last time to see me. Memories from being with her. What it was like to hold my hand and tug me around, which was paired by a feeling of joy that made me take a deep inhale in surprise. Falling asleep against me. How she felt like my little sister and loved every minute of it, even when I was irritated. Even when I had pushed her away.

            I shared my own feelings, letting them speak for themselves. There didn't have to be words between us. She knew how I felt. It was nice, not needing words. Knowing she understood. Knowing she felt the same way. Knowing that I finally accepted other people into my life to the point where I could share every single one of my thoughts and feelings. I pulled her tighter to me as we shared, not moving except to breathe.