First Faith

Chapter 26: Admittance

Chapter 26: Admittance

I went back to my room, slamming the door, locking it. Wishing I could lock out all the nightmares just as easily.

But I couldn't. I'd succeeded pretty easily for years, all the time, with few slip ups. And here I was, every day seeming to get worse and worse. I wasn't sure how much longer I could take it. Not when I was all alone in this room, such a wreck that I couldn't even open up to people.

"I'll get through this myself." I muttered venomously, crossing my arms and gripping my skin of my biceps as if to keep from lashing out. My anger flared and I went over to my bag, unzipping it and grabbing a slim folder I'd always kept, taking out a drawing and holding it with a shaking hand. I stared at my uncle's smiling, drawn face, "I'm done with pretending. I'm screwed up, and it's all because you're dead."

I rushed through the front door, slipping off my shoes, "I'm home."

With quick precision, I headed to my bedroom, grabbing my sketchpad that Uncle Ben had given me, my heart beating a bit faster as I remembered his promises, even more eager as I knew that he really did take me to the top of the mountains and we got to camp there. I'd watched the Pokemon League lights until I'd fallen asleep, hoping one day I'd get to visit them as a challenger.

I flipped to the first page of my sketchpad to a drawing of myself. It was drawn by him. My eyes softened as I stared at the pencil markings, which formed me. The hand in the drawing, my hand, reached out, fingers outstretched, to touch Electivire. I remembered how it'd felt to be so connected to him, how we'd actually battled together. It hadn't been anything like I thought, that bond. Though instead of wanting to battle, I mostly wanted to see Electivire again.

I didn't know it was so easy to be best friends with a Pokemon.

Ghastly came to mind as I thought about how easy it was to form a friendship with him. I walked over to where I kept the drawings Uncle Ben had given me, in a special folder, and pulled out the one with me and Ghastly playing together. I realized he was a good friend too, and maybe one day I could battle with him, that I could be his Trainer. I could go and see Ghastly this weekend with uncle and tell him. I could request it easily. I bet Ghastly would enjoy it, especially if we took him with us somewhere. Even Ghosts liked to leave their houses sometimes, I thought. Maybe he'd even leave his old home to be with me.

There was a knock at my bedroom door. I didn't bother to say anything. My mom knew I came straight to my room when I got home and only came out to get dinner. She seemed to like it better that way when she didn't have me near her anyway.

I heard the door open and frowned, turning from my bed to see my mother standing in the doorway, her eyes puffy and her face streaked with tears. I sat up slowly, cold seeping into the room.

I didn't even ask what was wrong. I didn't really want to know. I didn't like when my mother cried. She usually yelled when she was sad and usually made it my fault. But this was different, the way she looked. Not upset, but defeated. Like there was nothing she could do and nothing to be done.

"I need to talk to you, Paul." Her voice sounded broken. She walked over and sat on my bed right next to me, her breathing choked.

I just stared.

"There was... a problem with your uncle."

"He said I could go over whenever I wanted." I said defensively. She was upset sometimes when I spent more time over there, but I didn't really care. When I was around, she acted like she didn't want me there. She couldn't make up her mind.