OUIJA PREDICTS WINNERS

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Around 40 years ago, some friends who strongly believed in the supernatural suggested that both my wife and I should try out the Ouija board. Being open minded, we decided to give it a try. After asking the board some usual questions such as, "What is your name?", "Will we have more children?", etc., our friends retired for the night.

My wife and I decided to ask some more unusual questions. I asked the board if it could tell us the winner for the weekend horse races. The board strongly went to EM, then the numbers 8 and 5. As this was a Tuesday, we had to wait until the Friday edition of the papers to see if anything matched. Sure enough, Race 8, No. 5 was a horse named Even Mine. I realized being that accurate was extremely unlikely, so I invested half my week's salary on the horse based on Ouija numbers which duly won at 5/1!

Consequently, I designed a Ouija-type board tailored to predicting horse racing, which I still do to this day. Most times the board will give us clues that don't match anything - completely mindless rubbish - but occasionally it will throw out a matching combination that will carry my wager to the winning post.

My personal theory is that all time - the past, present and future - are all contained in the immutable "now" and that we are merely using the board as a crutch to tune into our own ESP. We never use the board to predict our own future as we know for a fact that most information that comes from the board is wrong. Perhaps it is this wrong information that has aided the Ouija board to gain its "evil" reputation. This story may appear far-fetched, but once it has worked for you in real life, it transforms from fantasy into fact. - Lollyman

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