A Nerd At Heart {BoyxBoy}(#1 At Heart Series)//EDITING

CHAPTER 9

Liam's P.O.V

2 hours.

That's how I long I have been staring at the ceiling. Trying to come up with some rational explanation for last night. Everything was way out of character.

Firstly, me. I went to a fucking party for Christ's sake. ME. Although I was threatened into going. So there's the rational excuse for that. Wait, the excuse isn't the right word. Explanation, yeah that's it. A rational explanation.

Next. I went all sweaty palms and shit the minute I saw Jacob. What's wrong with me! I don't gush like some school girl high on masculine pheromones. I'm a perfectly rational person. I don't do stupid stuff like that.

Do you mean like drinking beer? Oh no that's perfectly rational.

Shut up! Stupid conscience. Everyone was drinking beer.

Oh good, blame it on peer pressure. That's EXACTLY what a 'perfectly' rational person would do.

You know what. Go fuck your self-conscience. Wait. That's like saying go fuck myse-

Do you know what, I'm not even going down that road?

Next. Roger fucking conners raped my mouth. He stole my first fucking kiss!

Not that I'm angry over something like that. I mean who cares about some stupid kiss. Even though it was my first. You can't get your firsts back. Like ever. Never ever. Yeah, I don't care at all.

I'm not about to go write it in my diary about how much I hated Roger for ruining my perfect moment where my knight in shining armor would come and swoop me up and claiming all my firsts. I'm not a fucking cliché. Please.

Though I am going to fucking kill him for doing it against my will. He makes my life a living hell all my school life and now he decides to pull this shit on me. Nuh-uh, that shit does not fly with me.

I don't care if he's all about that closet life, but under no circumstances do you do that to someone. Taking away there freedom like that, it's just wrong.

To be honest I don't even know what I'm going to do when I see him on Monday. Should I stalk up to him and command he apologizes to me in front of the whole school? Yeah like that's going to happen. Or do I just ignore him and leave my bitch slap as enough punishment? Yeah, I could do that.

Then I remembered how scared I felt when I first came out to my mom. She was folding washing in the living room when I came downstairs. I want to tell you that I was as confident as I can be. That I didn't care what my mom thought about me. That if she disowned me, it's her loss.

But I knew none of that was true. I was scared shitless. Just the thought of her abandoning me was enough to make me want to run the opposite direction. I remember feeling trapped. Nobody loved me at school. This was it. She was it for me. The only place I will ever get love. This tiny woman had the power to change my life with her words alone. If she left me I would literally die. I don't think I would survive.

All those thoughts left my head when I met her hazel eyes. There was so much love in there that made me feel stupid for even doubting her. She was my mother. She would love me unconditionally and that was something I was willing to bet my life on.

So I took the few steps towards her and started blurting it all out. From 4th grade up until that day. Every single detail. The torture I went through. The crap they gave me. The lonely lunch breaks. All of it. When I looked into her eyes it was filled with tears. Her cheeks had trails leading downward. She kept on crying.

I tried to keep that voice at the back of my head at bay, telling me this was where it all ended. She hates me now. It voiced its opinion but I didn't listen to it.