lights. + myg

31

31
THIRD PERSON

Both Yoongi and Wonho stood in front of him.

"What the hell do you two think you're doing!? Do you realise how much disruption you caused throughout this entire level? I don't care if the both of you are teenagers, you're practically adults! What have you got to say for yourselves!?" Yoongi's father scolded.

They both remained silent.

"Wonho, you work here. I expected more from you."

"Mr Min, he just attacked me and wouldn--"

"I don't care." He turned to the mint-haired boy, "And Yoongi, you are my own son. It's disgraceful. What's all this? Because of a girl? Listen, I am impressed with Kim Jiyeon's work but if the two of you continue to act like this, I'm going to have to cut off her internship."

Yoongi almost immediately straightened his posture and whipped his head up so fast that Wonho swore he heard a crack.

"Yes, Mr Min! This cunt and I will--"

"Language." His dad gave him a stern look.

"--Wonho and I will never make any physical contact with each other ever again!" Yoongi bowed - yes bowed - to his father, the man he hated, in order to save Jiyeon.

"Good. You both can leave. And Yoongi?" He turned around. "You don't have to pay for the damage done to the door."

"Wasn't going to anyway, gotta blast!" The love-sick puppy rushed down towards the elevator and ran out of the building faster than he ever had before.

Two Weeks Later

"Yoongi, you know you don't have to do this." Seokjin pleaded.

"I want to. It's for the best." He said, slipping his phone into his pocket and grabbing the bouquet of carnations. They were her favourite flowers, right? Or maybe he didn't know her favourite flowers but either way, he hoped she'd love them.

"Look, I may not know her very well, but even I would never do that. You really want to do that?"

"But I've decided, Hyung."

"Please, Yoon--" Seokjin's face fell when Yoongi put a hand out to cut him off.

"I'm letting her go."

The elder nearly teared up at his friend's decision. He was letting her go.

It was time, to be honest. Yoongi held on to her for too long and that's what ruined him.

He opened the door to his car and waved Seokjin off, trusting him to stay in his home for the little while he was going to be gone.

Yoongi sighed. Today was the day.

--

As he entered the graveyard, he tried his best not to let his smile falter. It was for her after all. She wouldn't have wanted to see him cry. And it was the least Yoongi could do to apologise.

He slowly walked up to her tombstone and sat down beside it.

And before he could utter a word, he broke down in tears. For the first time, he was visiting her gravestone.

"I'm so sorry, Mom." He sobbed, the tears freely running down his face.

His mom might've ended someone's life, but in his eyes, she was no murderer. If anything, Yoongi was.

"I-I should hav-have listened to you that d-day! I was so stu-stupid and selfish be-because of what I s-saw! I did-didn't know, mom..."

Right now, he didn't seem as aggressive as he usually was, he didn't seem bold or scary. He was just a little boy who pushed his mom off of a cliff and no one was there to stop him. That day, no one was there to comfort him when he realised what he had done. No one was there when his dad beat him until he couldn't form a sentence or stand up. If anyone was there - and if they had cared - maybe Yoongi wouldn't be like this today.

The mint-haired boy set his bouquet of flowers down beside the gravestone.

"I-I brought you flowers, mom. I don't know if you like c-carnations but I got them anyway because I love them. I should've come here sooner, but I was too scared," Yoongi told her whilst pulling out the grass from the ground. "I thought you would be angry at me - and maybe you are. You should be. I wanted to say sorry. Because of that woman, I never really got to know you as my mother. I bet you would've been kind and sweet. Would you have baked pancakes for breakfast? Would you watch TV with me and read me stories? I obviously can't know anymore but there's also something else I've been meaning to say."

Inhale. Exhale.

"I don't need you any more, mom."

He said it.

"I've been holding back for a long time because of you. You - and dad - made me who I am today. I didn't want to inherit either of your personalities. They were... poison. The both of you were aggressive and burst out whenever you wanted to. You didn't think about me. What about how I felt when I saw you on the cliff? What about how I felt when dad beat me? No one cared. And it was because no one in our family was taught to care. None of us were brought up in caring family homes. Well, I can only imagine, anyway. But the both of you had that influence on me that made me who I am. The both of you technically gave me my disorder. That's why I've made this decision. I let go of dad years ago when he gave me up to the orphanage. I didn't need him back then and I don't need him now. And the guilt from what I did to you is holding me back from loving someone. You would've loved to meet her I think - probably - but you aren't going to. I won't bring her here. It's a shame that the first time I visit you is going to be the last. I don't want you as a burden, mom. I'm going to get better without constantly having to think about you. And maybe... maybe one day when I'm free and I'm happy. When I've forgotten about everyone's mistakes and I've learned how to care for someone - maybe then I might visit you again. But that's unknown for now. That's it then. I hope you understand. I'm letting you go, mom. I love you. And I hope you still love me back."

He left a kiss on the stone.

Yoongi stood up without noticing the tears staining his face once again, and left the graveyard with a feeling of relief in his stomach.

Now to get back the love of his life.

A/N:
maybe i'll reveal his disorder in the next chapter, maybe i won't ;)) just kidding, i will! i'm happy with the way this chapter turned out! i wanted to update once more before school starts again tomorrow!

and there is good news/bad news - idk however you take it.

there is only one chapter and an epilogue left!!

i can't wait to complete this book and i don't think i'm going to unpublish it anymore however much i hate it. im going to just leave it and hope for the best :)

thank you for reading, ily♡

raisa.