The Perfect Mess

21. "I'm so sorry, love."

Back to New York, my condition wasn't too good. My gynaecologist has given me medicines, a diet plan and asked for regular check ups with some good doctor in New York. Though I was taking my medicines on time, I couldn't eat anything without puking at least once a day. It was worse because I couldn't tell Edward about it, nor could I leave my work.
I noticed after some weeks that my boobs started getting bigger and pained a lot. I went to see the doctor, and he told me that it was normal in pregnant women. He also suggested me that it was best to tell Edward about it or else I should return back to my home. Someone should take care of me now that it was the third month of pregnancy. Sooner or later, Edward had to know about it. Also, the hotel was almost built. My job was over and now I just had to go and make sure everything was going as per the plan. I was just directing people, nothing else.
Next month, I will return home.

So one day I gathered courage to tell Edward about it. My feelings for him were helping me no more because they were too strong. And he didn't like me that way at all. He hadn't even touched me like that in the past month. It was nine in the evening and I knew he was in his room working. I walked in, finding him typing on the laptop. He had a frown plastered on his face.

"Hey," I breathed out, and called him. His face turned towards me and he smiled. But his smile was fake, not reaching his ryes.

"What's wrong?" I asked softly without wasting any time.
He glanced at me and sighed. Then keeping the laptop aside, he rubbed his face with his both palms.

"Tomorrow is Erica's death anniversary," he said.

My eyes widened.

"Everybody will be there...Karen too. Now that Jason has broken up with her, she's lost herself. I came to know she's not talking to anyone, not doing anything. I.." His voice broke down. "I hate her for what she did...but..."

A lump formed in my throat, ready to any time come out. I closed my eyes tightly shut and breathed deeply.

"But if she needs you tomorrow, you'll be with her." I completed in a small whisper. His face looked surprised at that.

He started shaking his head.
"But she wasn't there when I needed her..."

Why, oh why are you doing this, Anna? Just be selfish and tell him how much you need him right now.

But I love him...

"Edward," I moved closer to him and cupped one of his cheeks with my hand. "You're not like her. That's what makes you a good person. You'll be there with her when she needs you because she meant something to you at a time. I'm sure Erica would want you to do this,"

No one but I knew how much courageous I was being at that time. I was pushing him away by my own hands, even when I needed him the most.

"Will you be there with me, please? I'll need you, Belle..." He said, his eyes staring into mine and almost hypnotising me. My lips pursed, not able to say anything.

I wanted to so loudly say No Edward I can't see you going away from me.

"Edward I...I don't know-" I looked down, my eyes travelling to his chest...not ready to look in his eyes.

"Please?"

"Okay," I sighed. "I'll come"

I put on my best fake smile and hugged him. He held me back, breathing in relief. I was crying inside. I didn't want to do this. I want to tell him about our baby. I want to tell him I need him. But I didn't...for his happiness.
Love makes us stupid. Love makes us so freaking blind.