Daughter of a Winchester

12

"Sam, I just want to say that regardless of whether it was my fault or if I'm being totally irrational and it wasn't, I appreciate you being here for me. I know you're trying to help me and I know I'm not really getting over this." She spoke up as he walked in.

"Hey. Don't feel bad for not getting over it. If I thought there was a chance I got a friend killed, I'd be upset too. At least you're getting your emotions out. I'd probably be trying to hide them. Don't feel bad." She nodded and they ate in silence in bed. After they ate, he put the plates aside on the dresser for the time being. She laid back down on her side facing away from Sam and didn't say a word. Sam laid next to her and gently stroked the hair from her face. He tried to help her relax. He played with her hair and lightly rubbed her back. Eventually, she fell asleep. He got up gently and went out to Dean and the kids.

"Hey Sam."

"Hey. She's asleep." Sam replied. "Audrey, Tristan, sorry I didn't spend time with you today. Mommy's really sad and upset so I was taking care of mommy."

"It's ok, daddy. Is mommy ok?" Tristan asked cautiously.

"She will be. Her friend died so she's upset. Dean and I are taking good care of her though." Sam reassured Tristan.

"Good. Tell her goodnight for me."

"Me too." Audrey added.

"I will." Sam stated. He and Dean put the kids to bed and sat on the couch to watch some tv.

"She really gonna be ok?" Dean asked with fear evident in every word he spoke. Sam hadn't heard Dean speak with fear in a long time.

"I think so. I don't know how to help her be ok, but I think she will be eventually. Any luck on finding Lucy's boyfriend?"

"Actually, yes. I think I found him. I just don't know that she will ever be up to going after him to find out if he's a werewolf or not." Dean stated.

"I'll talk to her about it at some point. I just don't know how to help her. I want to but I don't know how." Sam confessed. "I know she's struggling but I don't know what it's like in order to help her."

"Even knowing what it's like to lose someone, I don't know how to help her. Losing mom sucks and it hurts and losing dad did too, but I don't exactly blame myself the way she does. I don't know how to help her either. Sorry." Dean added.

"It's ok. I'm going to bed. I'll see you tomorrow." Dean nodded.

Sam walked back in. Avery was still asleep. He changed into what he normally slept in then climbed under the covers with her. He kissed her softly on the cheek and whispered "I'm so sorry this happened, baby. I'm right here." He then went to sleep.

He woke up to her violently thrashing in bed. This was the worst panic attack he had ever seen her have. 10 minutes went by and she still wouldn't wake up. He made a quick decision and ran to Dean's room. "Dean. She's having a massive panic attack. I can't get her to wake up. Help me please." He begged. Dean ran to their room. He shook her too and nothing was working. "Dean. What do I do? She's not sick. A hospital can't do anything."

"I think we just have to wait it out. Try anything we can to calm her down." Dean suggested. They tried to calm her down and after a good 20 minutes longer, she finally woke up. She woke up with a start and looked at Dean who was sitting closest to her. He had tears in his eyes out of fear for her.

"Why are you both so upset? How long was I having my panic attack? I knew I was having one but I couldn't calm down. It was weird."

"Total, a good half hour." Dean stated.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. It's just with everything, I just-"

"Don't explain yourself. We know. It's ok. If you need to talk, you know where I am. I'm going back to bed. I'm glad you're ok." Dean cut her off. He walked out of the room.

"Don't start apologizing to me either. It's ok. You scared me to death, but I'm just glad you're awake. I'm not gonna ask if you want to talk or if you're ok. I know you're not ok and if you end up wanting to talk you will, and if you don't, you won't. I'm right here." She nodded and wrapped him in a hug. She hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "I got you. It's ok. Don't be scared. Try to sleep some more."

"Sam, why aren't you begging me to talk? You usually do."

"Because you can decide when you want to. I'm not pushing you. I know things are hard. I don't know what it's like to be going through what you're going through so I have no business trying to get you to talk about it." He explained softly.

"Well, I had a dream about Lucy. Instead of it being Caleb who killed her, I did. I walked into her apartment and I just attacked her with a knife. She screamed and cried and begged me to stop. I tried to stop myself but I just kept going. Either way I'm the reason she's dead." Sam didn't really reply. He didn't know what to say. "I get it. You're mad that I can't get through this. Just say something, please."

"I'm not mad at all. I just don't know how to help you. You're becoming depressed and I desperately want to help you so you don't fall into a place you can't get out of, but I don't know how." Sam explained. He wanted to help so bad.

"It's ok you don't know how. I'm trying not to fall too. It's hard. We just need to find Caleb and hunt him down and find out if he's a werewolf or not." She replied.

"Dean found him yesterday. We just didn't know if you'd be up for it. What do we do with the kids?"

"I'm up for it. We've left Tristan home before. Not for real long, but we have. Could they come and stay in the hotel room? Or do you know any hunters around there?"

"I don't know. I'll discuss with Dean ok? Just try to get some sleep for now. I'm not going anywhere." Sam consoled.

"I'm sorry, Sammy." She stated before laying down to sleep.

"Quit apologizing. It's ok." He whispered before falling asleep himself.