WattyWarriors Fan Magazine 5.0

Mock Warrior Interview: Millie

So I've noticed that many people have extreme hate for Millie. I get it. I really do. So I made this for you guys <3 It's not quite an interview, but I think I got Millie down pat. She's kinda dumb. And annoying. And honestly quite useless and oblivious. Seriously she caught, like, two pieces of prey and Greystripe was in love. Seriously we need a new Silverstream... 

Half of this was written during my psychology class so I have no idea whats happening now. Oops.

~Blaze

--Disclaimer: This is a strange collaboration of exhaustion and coffee pills. Please don't mind the ramblings of my mind. Just take from the description that it is very VERY easy to twist your words to make out a character to be elegant and suave, and another to be scraggly and weak. Even warrior cats. Although this one is over the top. Like I said. College. Agh--

The stage grows dark as the auditorium quiets down. Cat calls and mews slow to a silence as the curtains pull open, revealing a pitch black stage. As the audience stares, a circular floodlight flicks on, shining directly on a familiar, gorgeous, brown mottled she-cat. She sits perched on a blood red sofa, eyes closed and face tilted to the side, the light illuminating the stark white fur staining her chest and the intricate black stripes reaching out from the white to blend seamlessly with the brown of her outer coat. As she opens her eyes, the light shines onto her face, bringing out the flecks of dark amber in her golden irises.

The light intensifies for a brief moment. The she-cat shifts, tail flicking in the smallest of movements before a different spotlight flicks on, this time illuminating the pudgy, light furred tabby she-cat who is the center of this interview. Her blue eyes blink as the bright light is focused upon her, and her ears flick back in discomfort. One is torn, with jagged edges that are a surprise compared to her soft paws and innocent eyes.

Blaze: Welcome to Millie's... interview...

Millie: Err... you said Briarlight would be here. Where is she?

Blaze: Oh, we will get there in due time.

Millie: Why does this feel like an interrogation?

Blaze: Because it is

Millie: O.O'

Blaze stared the tabby she-cat down, eyes calm. She watched in amusement as the growing silence made Millie nervous. Finally she began to speak.

Blaze: So, Millie, we want the answer to the most annoying character trait you possess. WHY do you constantly obsess over Briarlight?

Millie just blinks

Millie: Because she's my kit, duh.

Blaze lets out a little sigh

Blaze: Millie, darling, how many kits do you have?

Millie suddenly began to sweat, paws scuffling the couch beneath her. Blaze made an annoyed note to make Millie pay the cleaning bill and the repair bill, as her claws were messing up the upholstery.

Millie: Err... um... 2?

Blaze: WRONG!

The sudden shout made Millie jump in the air, eyes wide.

Blaze: THREE! You have THREE KITS!

Millie: I.. I'm sorry I'm just not good at counting

Blaze: Your excuses are pitiful. Do you even know any of their names?

Millie confidently opened her mouth to speak.

Blaze: ...besides Briarlight?

Millie's jaw closed with a snap. Blaze could only shake her head.

Blaze: Millie, you have two other wonderful kits, Bumblestripe and Blossomfall. Why would you ignore them?

Millie: Well Briarlight is very helpless and in pain and alone! She needs me!

At this point the audience began booing, their jeers and cries getting louder and more hostile by the second.

Blaze: She is honestly helping out the Clan more than you are. She helps in the medicine cat den and heals cats as well as Jayfeather or Leafpool. What do you do?

Millie's ears flattened and she let out a grumpy hiss

Millie: Just because Briarlight is helpful doesn't mean she is recovered! I'm always there helping her along!

Blaze leveled her with a hard glare.

Blaze: Millie, Jayfeather has Briarlight under his not so metaphorical wing. Your other kits were the ones that needed you most.

Millie: I have no idea what you are talking about! They are perfectly capable young warriors! They don't need me!

Blaze: BLOSSOMFALL JOINED THE DARK FOREST BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T CARE!

Millie: -shocked silence-

Blaze: Aren't you ASHAMED?

Millie:  Of course I'm ashamed! How could Blossomfall do something like that?

The audience took an almost synchronized gasp of disbelief. A stunned stillness filled the room, every cat staring at Millie with hatred in their eyes. The thick she-cat finally turned red, beginning to realize what exactly was happening. But it was too late.

Random Audience Cat One: Chop off her head!

Random Audience Cat Two: Feed her to the piranhas!

Random Audience Cat Three: BURN HER AT THE STAKE!!!1!!!1!!!11!

Blaze, who had been nodding and taking notes, looked up at Random Audience Cat Three with sparkling eyes.

Blaze: Good idea! I like that one! Stage crew, bring out the gasoline!

Millie: Eep! You can't do this!

Blaze: Hmm.... you're right. Who is going to pay for the cleaning bill for the couch you just destroyed? Stage crew, leave the gasoline alone! Sorry about that!

The audience let out a grumble of discontent that Blaze waved off.

Blaze: We'll burn her after the cleaning bill comes. It'll be a celebration! Everyone's invited! But unfortunately, that's all the time we have for today!

*Curtains close as Millie is dragged off the stage, protesting and trying to ignore the bill that Blaze was shoving in her face.

I have no idea what just happened but it was a thing. If anyone has any questions to ask another cat in a Mock Interview, let me know!