Broken #Wattys2016

What Am I Going To Do?

What Am I Going To Do?  A free verse poem.

You found me at my lowest point.

You picked me up and put up with all my shit.

All the tears, all the pain, I pushed you away so many times.

But you always came back.

I never deserved you.

I never deserved how well you treated me.

I never deserved the love that you have shown me.

I never wanted to hurt you..

But here I am.. Trying to think of a good way to do this.

How the fuck do I tell you?

How the fuck can I do this right?

I'm going to destroy you..

I told you to stay away.

I told you I'm too fucked up.

I told you not to fall in love with me..

I'm not worth the pain.

People look at me, and say I'm beautiful.

But inside I'm ruined.

I'm so scarred and broken.

Looks can be deceiving, I'm not as beautiful as you think..

How do you tell someone;

Someone who has stuck by you.

A man who protected you from everything.

Who adores every part of you..

That it's over?

How do you tell him you aren't in love with him?

How do you find the words you need?

How do you look him in the eye and watch his entire heart shatter?

A heart you swore you would protect..

I can't do this.

You come into the room I'm in, and I walk out.

You go to bed, and I sleep on the couch.

You tell me you love me and I try kiss you so I can't answer.

You think it's because I'm sick.

You think I'm still recovering from the news.

You think I need time because of everything that is going on.

You think I'll be okay eventually.

I won't be okay.

Not until I say goodbye to you..

As horrible as that sounds.

I can't fucking do this anymore.

I tried.

I tried so hard to keep what we had.

I fought for us.

But that was a battle I lost to the one person I can't hide from.

Myself.

****

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- Jade xx