Her Neverland [ Louis Tomlinson]

Chapter 27 : "I highly doubt that"

Song on the side : Lump Sum by Bon Iver





Chapter 27

{HARMONY'S POV}





Trudging up the steps, I reached my door and placed my fingers along the door trim to get the key. I sighed before I unlocked my door and walked into my flat. Yellowing afternoon light was pouring in, leaving everything in a glow. It was good to be back...



Throwing my bag to the ground, I placed my keys on a hook in the hallway and shuffled towards my bedroom. When I walked in I immediately went to my dresser, opening one of the drawers I got a change of clothes out then went to the bathroom to shower after my long flight.



As soon as I had the water running I stepped inside and merely sat on the floor of my shower, letting the water hit my head trailing down my back. Keeping my eyes shut, I thought of everything that has happened. Right from the beginning when I let Louis into my world and right till the end when I had to let him go.



I couldn't believe how easily he decided that we were done. I know that what happened in the woods was quite insane and I thought that he was sort of getting over it, but I guess not. Now that I think about it I can understand why he didn't want me anymore. But the pain tearing through my chest right now can't help but make me feel slightly bitter about it. All this time I thought that he loved me...



But people say that if you love someone, set them free. I just hope that he comes back. It's wishful thinking at best.



Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped a pale blue towel tight around myself and turned to the mirror, wiping away the layer of condensation to see my reflection. What was looking me back was honestly kind of sad. My curls had no life to them along with my eyes. I looked immensely dull, like everything I began to live for once again was out of my grasp. Except this time, death wasn't the separating factor. Louis was still out there somewhere possibly wrapping his arms around someone new already.



Yet another pang shot through my chest at the thought of Louis with someone else. Why couldn't things be simple and easy and Louis and I could just stay together forever? Silly thing to hope for.



I walked from the bathroom freshly showered and wearing my favorite pair of pjs, red stripes. Yet another thing to remind me of Louis. From one of the first times he came over, completely uninvited I might add, and we watched Up until he decided it would be a good idea to tickle me... My thoughts just keep getting worse and worse.





Shaking my head as if to shake away those thoughts, I moved to my living room, taking a seat and pulling my hair back into a bun before turning on the tv. With a sigh I began to flick through the channels hoping to find something to distract me but sadly there seemed to be absolutely nothing.



Shutting off the tv, I threw the remote with yet another sigh and leaned forward on the couch, searching the room for something to do. But before my eyes could locate something, there was a loud knock on the door that caused me to jump. My heart began to race because I instantly thought that it could be Louis coming back to me. Maybe he had decided that he made a terrible decision and he honestly couldn't live without me either. I sound a bit mad.



Swiftly rising from the couch, I rushed to open the door without even checking who it was. I smiled as I threw it open but my mood drastically changed as I stared at my neighbor. Andrea gave me an expectant look, as if to tell me that she needed details about what happened. I sighed as I realized that Louis wasn't coming back for me.



"Good to see you too." She stated sarcastically as she took in my appearance. "You look like shit." She added kindly.



"Well thanks." I muttered in reply with my shoulders slumped in defeat.



"Can I come in to talk or..." She inquired as she motioned her hand between herself and the inside of my apartment.



I nodded immediately and moved out of her way so she could walk in. Andrea went to sit on the couch with me close behind.



"So how was America?" She started gently. I could tell that she knew something was wrong.



"Oh, ya know...American." I replied shrugging.



"Wow, real specific. Thanks for that. Anything, uh, interesting happen?" She asked apprehensively. Now I know that she knows some of what happened.



"How much do you know?" I sighed while I place my head in my hands.



"I know that you flipped out in public and now the directioners have deemed you as Queen of the Crazies." She said without missing a beat. "I figured you would be back home soon."



"Thanks for being sensitive of my feelings." I said under my breath. "Louis broke up with me after I "flipped out" in public. He sent me home."



Before I could even blink, Andrea had me in a tight hug. "I'm really sorry, Harmony. I seriously am. You know I'm shit at reading people, I'm completely inconsiderate of people's feelings..." She sighs.



"So Louis broke up with you." She stated, reminding me yet again of the situation.



"Yes, thank you for reminding me." I say bitterly.



"It doesn't make sense if it was just over what happened because he already knew what he was signing up for. He should have known that something like that could have happened." Andrea reasoned as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion.



"Well, obviously not." I said, pulling my knees up and wrapping my arms around myself.



"Maybe he had to. Maybe their management got involved."



"I doubt it." I say mostly for my own reassurance. If Louis was forced to forget about me then he most definitely will never come back. Either way, he wasn't coming back, Harmony. Stop getting your hopes up.



"Why? That could easily be the explanation. Those boys hardly ever get to make their own decisions." Andrea says with strong conviction.



"How do you know that?"



Andrea looks towards me thoughtfully, "Well, I don't but it would make sense. Anyone could tell that Louis loved you so it just doesn't add up."



"But he did Andrea and now there isn't anything I can do!" I proclaim, standing up from my spot on the couch beside Andrea. The rush of tears was surprising even to me. I had been doing exceptionally well at not crying. Holding it all in wasn't healthy but it was all I wanted to do.



"I'm sorry, Harmony. I won't talk about it anymore." She soothes as she attempts to stop the uncontrollable sobs that escape my lips. But once cries like these start, there really isn't a way to stop them.



All Andrea can do at the moment is help me move to my room and tuck me in my bed, brushing back pieces of my hair every once in a while and rubbing soothing circles in my back. My crying was so bad that I was shaking hysterically even for a good while after I had started to stop. I was so exhausted that I didn't even realize Andrea had gotten up to leave.



"It will be okay, Harmony. I promise. Everything will be better."



I highly doubt that.















I had woken up early, probably about five in the morning, and walked numbly from my room to the kitchen to see a note lying on the kitchen counter.



-I called Dr. Morrison to make an appointment. It would be a good idea just to talk about what happened so you don't hold it in. Please just go and talk. Also your mom called again. She is still worried about you, so is your dad. I'll stop by later today to give you a ride to your appointment. Then maybe we can stop for dinner somewhere, have a girls days out or something.



-Andrea



Reading over Andrea's note sort of jogged my dazed memory. I had cried for hours yesterday while she tried to reassure me that everything would be okay. She must have left the note before she went back to her flat. I'm beyond thankful to have someone like her in my life.



One thing in Andrea's note had caught my eye, my mom. I hadn't spoken with her or my dad in a long time. Maybe I should ring them. Throwing that idea around for a while, I finally reached for my cell and called my mom.



I waited anxiously for her to pick up, to hear her voice.



"Harmony?" She inquired from the other end. I almost instantly broke down yet again at the sound of her voice. It reminded me of the last times I had seen her from when she would visit me in the hospital.



Breathing evenly, I spoke, "Hey mom."



"Oh, baby. I've been trying to get ahold of you for the longest time." She splutters with tears already evident in her voice. I could hear her yell to someone on her end of the call, most likely my dad.



"Yeah, I've been kind of busy." I mutter while rubbing the side of my face tiredly.



"How've you been, sweetie?" She asked urgently, like this could be the last time she gets to speak to me.



I thought over my words slightly before I spoke again. "I'm doing okay. I've been having one hell of an adventure but sadly it's just ended." My answer is vague but my voice says it all.



"Sweetie, please tell me that you're still taking your medication." She said as if catching my depressed tone.



I nod as if she can see me. "Don't worry too much, mom. I'm still taking my pills and visiting doctors every once in a while."



"Thank you, baby." Mom said gratefully. "Your father and I have been missing you terribly."



"We wish you would come and visit." My dad voiced from the same end of the call.



I honestly missed both of my parents very much but I couldn't bring myself to visit. They still lived in the same home that Ben and I grew up in. Visiting would mean walking down the halls and feeling like I had stepped back in time.



"Hi dad, maybe you guys should visit instead. I'm not too sure me coming over is such a good idea. I really am missing you guys badly too."



"I'm just glad to hear your voice, darling." Dad reassured with a tone that was very much broken.



"Glad to hear from you too, dad." I said squeezing my eyes shut to stop the tears. "I'm sorry, mom and dad, but I really have to go. I'll try to get back to you both later. Love you guys, bye."



"Bye sweetie. Please call soon. I'd love to hear about this adventure." Mom parted sadly along with Dad, wishing me well. I was actually really happy I'd called them. Avoiding their calls for so long was inconsiderate on my part.



Leaving me in the consuming silence of my flat, I felt the need to do something so my mind wouldn't wander. Wander to Louis. Thankfully I caught sight of my bag discarded by the door where I threw it yesterday as soon as I got back. I should probably try to do laundry or clean, or something.



I yanked my bag from the floor and unzipped it, dumping all of its contents to the ground before me. The clothes that fell free were all wrinkled from being shoved inside and not being properly folded. Leaving the pile, I retrieved my clothes basket to place the dirty clothes I had worn in America into.



I had managed to get through this task quite quickly, well, until I reached a shirt that wasn't mine. Frozen in place, I stared at the black and white shirt in my hands that was being clutched tightly. Instantly, images of Louis flashed through my mind and my breathing came to a halt as I felt the fabric in between my shaking fingers. I may seem quite ridiculous to get this worked up over a god damn shirt but it was one of the only things I had left of him. Bringing the shirt closer, I held it tightly to my chest, wishing tremendously that it was actually the owner of the shirt I was holding this tightly.



I numbly stood up as my breathes became erratic and my thought process slowed almost to a stop. My movements were unconscious because I managed to make it to my bed, curled up tight in my covers, without even realizing it. Louis' shirt was held dearly to my chest as it constricted in pain and I began to cry yet again. The sobs were swallowed by Louis' shirt, they weren't heard through my quiet flat.



That night I cried myself to sleep one more time with the familiar smell of Louis following me.









"Harmony, wakey wakey." Someone called to me as my eyes fluttered open, but I knew I was merely dreaming. Everything was in black in white so that gave it away.



A shock of red hair played in front of my eyes as they focused on the person before me. I smiled brightly at the boy before me. He hadn't aged since the last time I'd seen him. Still young and free.



"Ben you've been making my life awfully difficult." I stated with a sigh. Ben simply shrugged in reply.



"Isn't that what brothers are for?" He chuckled at his own words causing me to roll my eyes. "But in all honestly, Harmony, I am really sorry."



Ben's cheeky smile from before disappeared to nothing and what was left was an extremely sad and guilty look.



"I miss you, Ben." I said taking in his sad expression.



"You aren't happy, Harmony." He states modestly and it's my turn to shrug my shoulders.



"So?"



"You deserve to be happy." The decency in his green eyes was hard to look at.



"I haven't been happy in a long time, Ben. One of the only things that use to make me happy doesn't want me anymore and I feel as if there is nothing left for me to live for. It may sound pathetic but this depression is building and clouding any sensible thinking. It hurts so much..." I tell him honestly as I move my eyes to the ground.



"Then don't let it hurt you anymore." He instructed with a pointed look.



That's when everything clicked.