Her Neverland [ Louis Tomlinson]

Chapter 9: "Living in your own world"

Sᴏɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ sɪᴅᴇ - Gᴏᴅ Mᴀᴅᴇ Mᴀɴ ʙʏ Yᴏᴜɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ Gɪᴀɴᴛ




Chapter 9



"No Ben. I'm not getting out of this car. Take me home right now." I stubbornly stated, crossing my arms over my chest. Ben, seated in the drivers seat, huffed out a breath in frustration.



"Har, you were fine with it a second ago. Come on, the parties aren't that bad." His matured voice urged me on, nudging his elbow into my side. I turned to look at him through narrowed eyes. He merely wiggled his eyebrows in return.



"It will be fun, Harmony. Last party, I promise you." The sincerity in Ben's voice was almost believable but I knew he was lying to me. He had said that many times before. "I promise this will be the last party I'll drag you too" rang clear as day through my thoughts. Well, it wouldn't. There would be dozens more that he just had to go to. Why he dragged me along with him, I will never know. I think it may have something to do with him being scared. Scared that one day he wouldn't come home.



Ben lost interest in trying to get me to come, plus, he knew I would eventually come inside to check on him. He opened the car door and got out. I watched him start to walk towards the house, hands shoved deep in his pockets. He flicked his head back in the direction of the car and raised his eyebrows expectantly. I sighed but unbuckled and opened the door, dragging myself to stand beside Ben's tall frame. We may be twins but we were nowhere near the same height.



"Come on, Harmony. Relax, let's have some fun." He placed his hand at the small of my back, leading us towards the house that was thumping with the bass of music. Ben was one of those people who thought getting drunk off their ass and doing some drug or another till they didn't feel anything made them mature. But in all honesty, Ben was one of the stupidest, immature people I knew...



The night had dragged on and I had lost sight of Ben. I was left to sit uncomfortably on a crowded couch, smashed in between a couple lip locking and a guy about my age breathing his disgusting breath my way. He was way too close for comfort. I tried to focus my attention on anything but his breath creeping down my neck.



My eyes searched throughout the mess that was someone's house for a familiar head of red hair. But alas, I didn't see him. I knew he wouldn't leave and get himself in some sort of trouble but I knew he would stay here and get himself in trouble. I stood up from the couch and tried to see if I could see over the crowd. Without any luck, I decided to go in search of Ben.



After some time of plowing through the crowded room, I still couldn't seem to find Ben. Checking my phone to see if he may have texted or called, I felt someone's large, sweaty hand grip onto my upper arm. I quickly flicked my gaze to the owner of the meaty hand and was sadly welcomed by the sight of one of Ben's troublesome 'friends'. I didn't know his name; I didn't bother to learn most of his 'friends' names. His grey eyes were closer then I would have expected and I tried to move away but his grip only tightened.



"Harmony, its good to see you." He drawled out. I could smell the sickeningly strong stench of alcohol on his breath. Cringing away slightly, I attempted to get my arm out of his grasp. He grip still tightening, his lips sliding into an eerie smirk that made my skin crawl.



"Let's get out of here, Harmony. Let's have some fun." He inched closer, whispering in my ear. My stomach was doing horrid flips, an undeniable urge to throw up was growing inside of me.



As of recently, I've come to discover that people have strange ways of thinking of fun. Fun for me was playing around, no drugs, no alcohol, no sex. But fun for people like my brother...it scared me. Their minds were twisted.



"No. Let go of me." My voice didn't waver which surprised me because I was completely terrified. I mean, something like this had happened once but Ben was there to stop it. This time Ben was nowhere near to help.



"Aw, come on, Har." His voice was like nails on a chalkboard and I couldn't help but grind my teeth together in my building irritation and fear. I don't know why I was getting so upset but I felt like throwing a few punches and I've never hurt anyone before.



Taking a few deep breaths, I found the strength to yank my arm away from his grip and moved as quickly as possible away from him. The anger, fear, and irritation bubbling up inside of me, was almost suffocating. I needed air. Running to the closest exit I could find, I flung myself out of the door and fell to the ground in a heap. I've had enough of people telling me what is fun and how to have it because this isn't how I'd picture it. The guys that Ben hung around had a strikingly resemblance to the pirates that inhabited our Neverland. Ben was becoming one of them, just like he would pretend to be when we were younger. Uncaring, rough, and foul.



Once my breathing had returned to normal and I could finally process my thoughts without panicking like earlier, I stumbled up from the ground and numbly went back inside. I was beyond thankful to be welcomed by the sight of blazing red hair that was the same shade as mine. Moving through the crowded room, I grabbed his upper arm and began to pull him along behind me towards the front door. The sound of his grumbling to stay was easily ignored by my need to get us home.



We were out the door by the time he halted us. "What the hell are you doing, Harmony?" Ben's voice boomed and I froze from the anger that was evident in his tone.



"Taking us home." I stated but my voice was smaller in comparison. Meeting his green eyes that matched mine, I could easily see he was livid from dragging him out.



"The party isn't even over yet." Ben mumbled and shook his head slightly before hiking towards the messy house.



"Ben!" I shouted and he stopped mid step. He mumbled something along the lines of what but with a few more profanities mixed in there. "This isn't good, you know. These parties. They'll just end up killing you." My tone seemed to have lost its fervor and my shoulders had slumped from exhaustion and defeat.



"You know what, Harmony? I think its time you grew up." Ben always seemed to throw that idea at me. I never understand what he meant. Growing up definitely shouldn't include something as silly as what he does.



"Ben, you're always telling me to grow up but I don't understand." I tried to sound understanding but it came out more contradicting. He rolled his eyes and set his glare in my direction.



"You need to stop living in your own little world, Harmony." That was the last thing Ben ever told me.



I watched silently as he retreated back to the house and I stayed own the green lawn. I'm not sure how long I looked on absently at the house before I numbly started my way back home. I'd guess Ben would make his way home in the morning.





^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^



"I woke up the next morning and he still wasn't home. I made my way to the house the party was at and I remember freezing on the spot, staring down the ambulance that was pulled up in front of the house. The paramedics were wheeling someone out of the house on a gurney, I immediately knew it was Ben. I went hysteric." I muttered and stared down at my hands, having a hard time talking about it. Taking a deep breath, I continued.



"I guess its easy to say I didn't take it well. After the funeral, I basically shut everyone out. I mostly stayed in bed, not sleeping just staring up at my ceiling. Honestly, I was blank. There was nothing. I'd lost my other half, everything just felt wrong." My voice was beginning to waver and I shook my head erratically, trying to rid myself of what I was feeling. Before I decided to go on, I felt Louis' gentle hands wrap around my shaking ones. My hands stopped shaking almost immediately because of his touch. I looked up at his blue eyes and he gave me a reassuring nod of the head.





"I started to feel happy again but it was sporadic and short lived. My moods would switch so quickly and I started to think about turning to suicide... My mother finally had enough after one of my 'mood swings', so to speak. She took me to a therapist and they declared that I was depressed but more so, I had bipolar disorder." The memory of the frazzled looking therapist leaning forward in her chair with a sympathetic expression, telling me ever so gently; as if I was as fragile as glass, that I had bipolar disorder played clearly through my thoughts. I looked into Louis' eyes to gauge his expression.

His eyebrows knotted together and his mouth gaped opened, as if he was trying to find the right words.



"They gave me medication to take, to supposedly make me happy. I would lie to my mother and tell her I took them, when all along I was flushing the pills down the toilet. My lie eventually caught up with me though. I tried to commit suicide but my mother found me in the bathroom with my wrists cut open. After that incident, I was sent away to a hospital..." I told him everything. Everything he needed to know. My cards were laid flat out on the table for all to see. Now it was his decision if he would stay or leave. I prayed he would stay...



There was silence for a couple minutes that felt much more like a couple hours. I could see Louis processing everything I had just told him.



His eyes full of confusion and, I think, worry. I heard a small sigh escape his parted lips and before I could even register what happened, I felt Louis' arms wrapped around me. Without hesitation, I brought my arms up around him.



"Harmony, I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that." He finally spoke. His voice was quiet but what he said rang clear and I felt a tear slid down my cheek that had been welling up in my eyes fall to his shirt. It left a single dot on his clean blue shirt. I let out a shaky breath and pulled away from Louis' arms.



"Now that you know I'm crazy, are you going to leave?" I asked him with a desperate edge to my voice. I honestly don't think I could go through losing someone else again.



"You aren't crazy, Harmony." He stated honestly. The sincerity that drenched from his voice startled me. "Of course I'm not going to leave. Like I said, Harmony, I really like you and I don't want to miss out on any of this."



I couldn't help but smile at Louis' honest words; they made my heart skip a beat. He was absolutely amazing. His blue eyes held my teary green eyes and I barely registered that we were both leaning closer and closer until there was barely enough room between our lips to fit a hair.



I could feel Louis' warm breaths touch my lips and then, with a feather light touch, our lips met. The simple spark that went off from such a light touch, urged us for more. As if Louis could feel it too, he pressed his lips harder on mine and our lips easily moved in sync. There was nothing difficult or forced about this kiss. It was simplistic but loving and meaningful.



Pulling away tenderly, I kept my eyes shut and listened to our uneven breaths. The grin spreading across my features broke out into a full-blown smile. I had never felt this happy. Louis had accepted me, faults and all.



Louis' deep chuckle caused my eyes to snap open and I saw he had a smile to almost match mine. For the first time in a long time, I felt content and whole. I didn't feel as if I was missing something.