Dementophobia • tyler joseph •

isle of flightless birds // entry

July 15th, 2013

I did something unthinkable. I'm sorry Mr. Baker because I know you are going to read this and probably feel ashamed of me. I violated Courtney's privacy and I felt terribly guilty for doing so, but I was desperate for answers.

She still hadn't talked to me ever since the stunt I pulled. I haven't even seen her. Pete told me that she hasn't come out of her room in days and Mr. Baker holds her therapy sessions in there. I wanted to know why Courtney was acting like this and Pete gave me an idea that he helped carry forth.

He wanted me to break into Mr. Baker's office and look at Courtney's file. That plan was very wrong, but I honestly couldn't resist. Pete got a hold of his spare office keys, don't ask me how, but he did.

So technically we didn't break in. We had keys, but we did it without his permission. Pete and I easily snuck in without anybody seeing us. The patients' records were in a locked cabinet, but I knew where the key was because I was very observant. Mr. Baker always kept it taped under his desk.

I quickly got the key and unlocked the cabinet. The files were in alphabetical order by last name. Pete became frantic because he had no idea what her last name was, but of course, I did. Akehurst, pronounced like Oakhurst. It had British background.

Her file was one of the first ones I saw. I pulled it out of the cabinet as quiet as I could. I didn't automatically open it. Instead, I just stared at it.

Was what I was doing wrong? Was this something I really wanted to do? If Courtney found out about this, she would never talk to me again.

Pete encouraged me, saying that I made it this far. I couldn't back out now.

He was right. I needed to do this. I pulled open her file and the first page was just the general information.

Courtney Annabel Akehurst, age fifteen. Blonde hair, blue eyes, weighs 115 pounds with the height of 5'1. Birthday: October 31st, 1998.

My eyes scanned down the page over her parents' names and siblings, hoping fine something, anything that I would shred some light on her illness. I needed to know what triggered it or made it worse. Maybe I was bad for her.

That's when something caught my eye... and it definitely wasn't something I wanted to see.

Courtney was sexually abused by her uncle on her dad's side. That is what is believed on triggering her mental illnesses in the first place.

Pete wanted to show what I had read, but I refused to share it with him. It was wrong for me to be reading it let alone somebody that Courtney probably didn't even know.

I was starting to wish I hadn't even attempted to break into Mr. Baker's office.

My eyes began scrolling down once again and that's when I stumbled upon what I was looking for. The reason why she was in this hospital.

Courtney suffers from depression and bipolar disorder which manifested around age twelve or thirteen. Her mother reports that she showed signs before the sexual abuse happened, but it worsened after the event. Based on my therapy sessions with her, I believe she also has post-traumatic stress disorder and suffers from insomnia.

I was thinking back to the support group. Every time Courtney walked in the room, she looked like she hadn't slept in ages and she would always yawn while we were working. I just thought she stayed up late all the time, but now I knew the real reason.

The sexual abuse was the trigger for half of these illnesses and most of them can be improved or fixed completely, but the real thing that concerns me is the one that will require her to be on medication her whole life.

I shut my eyes, not wanting to read what was at the very bottom of the page, but Pete said if I didn't, he would. That was something I wanted to avoid.

I torn my eyes open once again and I wished I could have kept them closed.

Courtney is schizophrenic.

Tyler Joseph, entry number I just broke into Mr. Baker's office of Isle of Flightless Birds.
Written on July 15th, 2013 at 8:21 p.m.