Dementophobia • tyler joseph •

five // i barely feel a smile deep inside me

Saying that I was pissed was definitely a gigantic understatement.

I hated surprises and hated dressing up for something really formal. Of course, I dressed up for my high school graduation, but that was totally different than a wedding that was taking place next month between two people that I hadn't been really close to since I was fifteen.

Hope was one of the those people that you could not talk to for years and when you finally do it's like nothing had really changed. I guess nothing between Hope and I had changed. She often visited me when I was at True Waters, but when we finally got into high school she came less frequently, yet, she still came every once in awhile. She stayed my friend although I wasn't normal.

Because of that, I am honored to be a part of her wedding.

I just wished that it wouldn't have been a bombshell like it was. I wish she would at least told me she was getting married when Jerald first proposed instead of me finding out from my brother.

He proposed to her in May, or at least that's what she told me, and they were getting married in November. To me, that was a very short time to plan a wedding, but apparently they got everything figured out. All that's left to do was the dress fitting for me and two of Hope's bridesmaids who couldn't make it to the original fitting because they were both out of town.

"Courtney, Hope's here!' My mother called up the stairs. "You better hurry, you guys are on a time schedule!"

I sighed, heavily at my reflection in the mirror, my eyes traveling over my facial features. My hair hung in ringlets down to my shoulders and I had a slight touch of makeup on. The makeup was only to please my mother, but I'm sure the Hogwarts T-shirt and the grey sweatpants would totally take away from that fact.

"Coming!" I replied, shoving my phone into the deep pocket of my sweatpants and darting down the stairs.

"Have fun with Hope," Ginger told me as I reached the bottom where Hope and my mom were waiting.

"Are you sure you don't want to come along, Ginger?" I asked. "Hope's already said that it's okay."

My little sister shook her head. "It's okay, Courtney. You have your music class thing afterwards at Brighton and I don't really want to sit through that, so go have fun. Be normal for once, act like an eighteen year old. Regain your childhood."

My mother's face became drained of all color as Ginger's last comment registered in her brain. She seemed slightly embarrassed, but it was probably because Hope was standing right here, not because Ginger was right.

I practically had my childhood stole from me at thirteen. I understand the fact that I had to go because if I didn't I don't know if I would still be here or not, but I could have just gone to a support group or something instead of getting sent four hours away. My mother took me away from everyone I loved.

Both of my parents were worried for me, but my father believed that I could pull through everything without going to a real mental hospital. Of course, my mother's opinion always won no matter what because my father was not present all the time because of his involvement in the military. So getting sent away was my only option and honestly, I'm glad I did. If I didn't get sent there, then I wouldn't have met Tyler.

I chose to quickly change the subject by turning towards Hope.

"I'm ready when you are."

•••

"So what color are the bridesmaid's dresses?" I asked once Hope and I were on our way to the dress shop.

I knew Hope better than she knew herself sometimes and I was praying that she didn't say neon purple, which was her favorite color. I didn't think I could handle wearing a neon color even if it was for only an hour or two. Bright colors were not my favorite thing.