In His Arms[Ziam/Ziall Fanfic]

Chapter 10

Reading Niall’s text message has my heart pumping and stopping all at the same time. He was here! He knew that I had cheated on him with Liam! He probably heard me say all of my secrets I had been keeping from him since forever! You would care if I told you I’m just using Niall to feel all my vented feelings I have for you . . . That every time I make love to Niall, every time he fucks me, I’m wishing it was you . . . The funny thing about that is, I would let you use me. If you asked me to swim, even when I can’t, I would. If you asked me to lie down and take it, I would service you with a smile. And if you told me to jump off the nearest building, I would . . . and hope that you’ll be on the ground, ready to catch me in your arms. You’re my only weakness, Liam. I only love you. The thing with Niall means nothing to me. I would give up my world to have a chance to be yours. He probably was pissed. Beyond piss! Infuriated! Hotter than the pits of hell angry. I fucked up big time. 

I couldn’t stop myself from crying even if I wanted to. I had broken my close friend by not finding him good enough. Why couldn’t Niall be good enough for me? He was handsome, he had a very kind, loving heart, he treated me with the utmost respect, loved me for me and he was completely available! Why did I have to screw up a perfectly good, stable relationship for a hot lust-filled night with a boy who might not be here tomorrow? 

And the answer was always there. Never leaving my mind. 

It’s because I love Liam like a boyfriend, not a friend. 

It has always been Liam. No matter how bad or wrong that sounds. 

I .Love. Liam. 

That was it. That was all that there was to it. 

I had a chance to make love to Liam, after countless dreams, endless hoping and wishing, and pretending that Niall was Liam inside of my head, I had finally felt Liam intimately, and it was the best feeling I have ever felt in the entire world. And no matter what, I would not have changed a think about tonight. 

But maybe perhaps coming clean to Niall when he asked me what was wrong this afternoon. I should have been straight up with him about my feelings for Liam. And that I love him so much for always being their for me, but only as a friend. 

A good friend. A best friend. 

But what kind of best friend was I to use Niall as a play thing, only to know in the back recesses of my mind that when Liam came knocking, I would drop everything with Niall to run away with Liam?

A horrible one. 

Scratch that. 

A complete asshole that deserved to be alone for the rest of his life. 

“He . . .” Liam’s voice is soft, choked. He was probably just as surprised as I was to know that Niall had just caught us together. What else could the text message be for? Why wasn’t I good enough? It was a clear dialect that Niall must had found out about us when he stopped by to sleep over. Why couldn’t I be brave enough to tell Niall earlier? 

That’s right. Cause I was selfish to be alone. 

Every horrible thing I did in my life: lie to my parents, pick on my little sisters, be needy and greedy, pretend to love Niall the way he wanted, and the way he should have been treated. I thought of all my past mistakes, and knew that I was a monster for what I had done to Niall!

My shield. My protector. 

Rushing to the window, to see if he was still here, to try and calm him down to apologize for what had happened, I moved the curtain, peered down to the snow covered pavement and gasped when my eyes laid on a lump covered in snow, only a pair of green sneakers---Niall’s sneakers sticking out of the snow. I felt my heart drop and my body tense.