The Life Of Trans Phan

I Do Care

"I went last time Dan! It's your turn!" Phil argued as Dan chucked the empty milk bottle to the floor.

"No, I went last time! And anyway, you used up the last of the milk so you should get it!" Dan shot back, rolling his eyes. He had barely slept last night and all he wanted was a nice bowl of cereal.

"Well, you want the milk so you should go and get it! Or just have something else for breakfast!" Phil remarked. The last thing he wanted this morning was to leave the house, especially since it was raining so hard. 

"Okay, how about this. We both  go and get it?" Dan offered. Phil rolled his eyes, thinking about it before nodding.

"Okay fine, but let me go and get dressed first yeah?" He walked into his room, closing the door before opening his wardrobe and deciding what to wear. Phil had recently bought a whole new wardrobe of clothes from the women's section and a basketful of makeup. Up until now he'd only worn it in private, but last night he'd promised himself that today he could wear something in public. Dan didn't know either, so he hoped this wouldn't freak him out too much. He put on a pair of light blue jeans and a sparkly purple tee shirt, paired with a necklace he liked and dark red shoes. He applied some light make up and then left his room, ready to adventure down to Tesco's.

After grabbing their coats, the two trecked down to Tesco's in the rain, wrapping their coats tightly around themselves to keep warm. Either Dan hadn't noticed yet or he wasn't commenting because he hadn't said a word to Phil about his clothing choice this morning. He probably hadn't noticed the light amount of makeup he was wearing either or the sparkly tee shirt. At least, that was what Phil was telling himself. He didn't want to admit that Dan was just ignoring it because he thought it was disgusting.

-

"Phil, we came for milk, not popcorn!" Dan moaned as Phil chucked yet another random food item into the basket.

"But Dannnn, it's my favourite!" Phil exclaimed, putting it back in the basket after Dan took it out.

"Whatever, but nothing else okay?" Dan gave up, rolling his eyes at his best friend. 

"Not even these Jammie Dodgers?" 

"No! Come on, let's go and find the milk!"

"Look Dan! Chocolate Milk!"

-

Half an hour later, the two were finally at checkout. They'd met three fans, who all wanted hugs and selfies (which they hoped didn't go online because they both looked like a huge mess), Phil had decided he wanted every piece of junk food money could buy and they had to explain to a group of seniors that no they weren't porn stars and yes, they did make videos for a living. Their basket was almost overflowing in food items that they both needed, and Dan had to dash back to find milk because of fucking course they forget the one thing they actually came here for!

As the shop assistant lady scanned the items, she made light small talk, asking about their day. When everything was packed up in plastic bags (that they're charging 5p for now for Gods sake) she looked up at Phil and smiled.

"You look lovely today Miss, I love your tee shirt!" She complimented, making Phil blush, his eyes widening in shock and a huge grin on his face.

"Th- thank you," Phil grinned, hurrying out of the shop, sending another warm smile towards the shop assistant before leaving. Dan was frowning in confusion, walking quickly to catch up with Phil, who was still blushing.

"What the hell was that about? You're not a girl, you don't even look like one! Why the hell did you thank her? What's going on Phil!" Dan exclaimed, refusing to face the truth - the truth he didn't want to face right now. Phil's face dropped, tears welling in his eyes. Was Dan fucking blind or something? He was dressing like a girl and he hadn't said anything, he was wearing makeup and he hadn't made even one comment! What was wrong with him?!

"Fuck you," He snapped bitterly, biting his lip and storming off up the road, getting drenched by the rain. Dan sighed heavily, and rubbed his eyes, shaking his head at himself. He needed to face the facts - Phil was transgender. Dan didn't want that to be true; not because he was transphobic but because he knew it was a hard life and he didn't want Phil to be hurt. Not ever. 

He knew that it was hurting Phil that he wasn't acknowledging it. 

So he ran after him, calling his name. Phil sped up, walking as fast as he could, but even though he hated running, Dan was fast. He caught up quickly and grabbed Phil's wrist, tugging hard so he spun around, facing Dan. 

"I'm sorry Phil, that was crappy of me. It's just hard to come to terms with the fact that you're a girl, you know?" He muttered, for once not caring that he was being drenched by the rain.

"Why! I mean, I'd say you're Transphobic if I didn't know you better - so what is it! You're just not okay with me being a girl! What. Is. Your. Problem!" Phil yelled, not even realizing that people were staring.

"No! That's not it at all! Look, can we talk about this at home? Unless you want to be outed that is?" Dan asked, fully aware of the teenage girls staring at them. He didn't think Phil would want people to know just yet.

"Okay, fine," Phil hissed, turning and walking home as quick as he could, wanting to get away from Dan for a bit before they had 'a talk'. The pouring rain was a good motivator for both of them, so they go home faster than normal.

Unlocking the door and taking his coat off, Dan sat down in the living room, allowing Phil to compose himself before they talked. He knew he had pissed his friend off and he felt really guilty for that.

"So, where were we?" Phil asked coldly, walking in and sitting down on the opposite side of the sofa from Dan.

"I don't have a problem with you being a girl - I support you 100% and I always will! I just didn't want to face the fact that you're transgender because that's not an easy life-"

"You don't have to stay if you think it will be too hard," Phil spat bitterly.

"That's not what I was saying! I was going to say that I didn't want to face the fact that you're transgender because that's not an easy life for you! I care about you Phil and the idea of you in pain is not one that I like!" Dan ranted, needing Phil to understand and forgive him.

"Oh, and you thought ignoring it would just make it go away! Well, maybe for you, but for me it'll never go away! I'm stuck like this and it fucking sucks! Sometimes I just want to die, but I can't leave you. I'm stuck in this stupid body and it is so fucking messed up and it sucks Dan - it's fucking shitty and I hate it!" Phil yelled, pacing the room. He was so angry right now, at life as well as Dan.

"I love you," Dan blurted out, standing up and blocking Phil's path, "And I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry about earlier okay, but I swear it'll never happen again. I'm here and I'm here to stay, no matter what Philly."

"Really?" Phil whispered, staring into Dan's chocolate brown eyes.

"Really," And with that Dan pressed his lips onto Phil's, their lips moving against each other's, fitting together like they were made for each other. Dan could taste salty tears on his lips, and he knew Phil was crying. They pulled apart, gasping for air, their foreheads pressed together. Dan brought his hand up to gently caress Phil's cheek, wiping away his tears.

"I love you too Dan."

A/N: So, thank you so much to the people that prompted this (You know who you are)! If you haven't joined the Trans Phan Community then check out my last post to join. It's been less than an hour since I started it and they're already talking like family so I really suggest joining!! There are seriously people of every gender identity on there so go make friends!!

Also go check out ThatRebekah's Transgender Phan Fic - It's really good!!!

Love you guys :)