The Life Of Trans Phan

Double Trouble

Dan had been thinking about this for ages; coming out to Phil, that is. It had been on his mind day and night since Dan had met him.

So yeah, they've been living together for a few months now, and he still haven't told him. It just never felt like the right time.

But today, Dan was finally going to do it. He was going to tell him. Phil deserved to know. And if he hates Dan, well, he'd rather find that out now than in a few years.

Phil's always been there for him. He's his best friend, the one person who's always been there. Dan knew he shouldn't be worried.

But he was.

Hesitantly, Dan knocked three times on his door, attempting to compose himself before entering the room.

"Hey, Phil," Dan mumbled, feeling like he was going to throw up. The black haired boy looked up from his laptop that was carefully placed on his legs, and smiled.

"Dan! I thought you were going out?" He remarked, shutting his laptop and sitting up on his bed.

"Yeah, I was going to but I need to tell you something." Dan stuttered, his heart hammering in his chest. His breath was laboured and his stomach was churning. Taking a few deep breaths, he looked up at his best friend.

"What's up, Danny? You look like you're about to throw up!" Phil remarked, his eyebrows scrunching together, a look of worry on his face. He put his hand on Dan's back, gently rubbing circles there.

"That's because I am," He mumbled, biting his lip.

"Are you sick? You look terrible!" He asked, putting his hand to Dan forehead to check his temperature.

"No, I'm not sick, just nervous," He told him, digging his fingernails into his palms and trying to calm his breath.

"Why? You know you can always tell me anything, Dan," He said gently, worried what could be so bad that Dan felt sick.

"Yeah, but, it's just- I can't do it!" He got up and rushed out of the room, tears dropping down his cheeks like a rain storm. He went into his bedroom and locked the door, burying his face into a pillow.

Phil followed Dan to his room, but was met with a closed door. He'd never seen Dan act like this before- normally they were fine with opening up to each other! Dan hadn't been this upset when he told Phil he was gay, nor when he came out as asexual. Other than one secret, Phil had told Dan everything with no worry, so he was concerned at what it could be.

"Dan, let me in!" He asked, knocking gently on his door. Phil couldn't bear the fact that Dan was crying in there, all alone. When there was no response other than the sound of crying, Phil went into the kitchen and found the spare keys.

He unlocked the door and took a cautious step into the room; not wanting to startle Dan. He was wrapped up in his duvet, curled into a ball with his face buried in a pillow. Phil's heart felt like it was breaking, seeing Dan like this.

Slowly, he walked over to Dan's bed and sat on the edge, waiting for Dan to notice him.

A small tear trickled down Phil's face as Dan sobbed and sobbed; he didn't know what to do. Furiously, he wiped the tear off his face and gently placed his hand on Dan's head, stroking his hair in an attempt to comfort him. His sobs didn't decrease, but after awhile Dan sat up and laid his head on Phil's shoulder. Phil's long arms wrapped around Dan's waist and they sat like that for a while, neither knowing what to do.

"Danny, what were you going to tell me? I swear I'll never think badly about you!" He mumbled into Dan's hair, pressing a sweet kiss to the top of his head. Dan just shook his head, refusing to say anything.

"Okay, how about this? There's one secret that I've never told you. So if I tell you my secret, will you tell me yours?" He asked softly, biting his lip. Phil had sworn he'd never tell Dan his secret, it was too big of a risk, but he figured that if he wanted Dan to trust him, he'd have to return the favour.

"Okay," Dan whispered, wiping away his tears and looking up at Phil, who was nervously composing himself.

"Ok, so, basically, um- wow this is hard!" Phil stuttered, taking a deep breath, "I'm transgender. Like, I'm not a boy. I'm a girl."

"Wait, what?!" Dan exclaimed, fully pulling away from Phil and staring at him in shock. Phil's heart dropped into his stomach.

"I'm transgender," He mumbled, tears welling in his eyes as Dan's mouth dropped open. "Please don't hate me."

"Hate you? Fuck, no, Phil! That's my secret! I'm transgender!" Dan exclaimed, breaking into a huge grin and laughing in disbelief.

"No way! You're a girl, too?" Phil asked, chuckling as well.

"Nah, I'm FTM," He clarified, shaking his head, the two of them collapsing in laughter. Dan tackled Phil in a hug, overwhelmed with the whole situation.

"How the hell did we not know this?" Phil asked, looking up at the brown haired boy who was currently laying on top of him.

"I don't know! We must be idiots!" Dan exclaimed, kissing Phil's cheek quickly before getting off him and sitting up, Phil copying him.

"So, you've been FTM this whole time? How the hell did I not know?" Phil asked, smiling at Dan.

"I'm pretty good at going stealth," Dan admitted, "But what about you? What name should I call you? And female pronouns, right?"

"Phoebe, and yeah, female pronouns," Phil told him, smiling at the thoughtfulness of his best friend.

"Awesome name!" Dan complimented, smiling at his best friend.

"Thanks, I didn't want to go with Phillipa, but I wanted to keep the initials the same, so yeah, Phoebe," Phil explained happily.

"The Amazing Phoebe!"