The Life Of Trans Phan

Rainbow - (GENDERFLUID PHIL)

Sometime's life is harsh. You're chucked out into the rain and it seems like there is no hope. All the colour is gone and you see everything in black, white and grey. The smile that was once permenantly on your face can never be seen and you just want to give up. Death is the only thing on your mind as you go about your day, falling further and further into a never ending spiral of darkness. Eventually, you decide that life isn't worth living any longer. You give up.

But that's when the sunshine comes in. Just a little at first, in the form of a friendly brown haired teacher that's noticed that's something's up but, instead of prying, takes you out for coffee. He smiles at you every day in class and always leaves a little post it note on your homework, telling you that you did good. Telling you not to give up.

He listens to you when you're sad and stays up until five in the morning, making sure you don't self harm. He sings you too sleep one night, playing the piano until you can't keep your eyes open anymore. He know's when somethings up and he never leaves you alone. You fight sometimes, no friendship is perfect, but he's still there - even when you swear at him for hours. 

And when you don't turn up for school one day, with no message why, he abandons his class and finds you, just to make sure you're okay. You weren't, hell no you weren't. That was the day you almost died, but you didn't. Because you're cute brown haired music teacher found you just in time.

You were in hospital for weeks, and he never left your side. He was there when you woke up, he was there when you left the hospital. He was always there. He told you he loved you that day, he kissed you and told you never to leave him again. You wiped away his tears and told him you wouldn't. You promised.

You kept that promise as well, no matter how hard it was. Someday's all you wanted was to die, to not exsist anymore. But those were the night's he held you and kissed your tears away.

Eventually he asked you the question he'd been avoiding all this time. He never asked why you were so sad, why you wanted to die - but you knew he wanted to know. So you told him, crying onto his shoulder and begging him not to hate you. You were transgender, genderfluid to be exact. And as you cried, he pulled away slightly and told you a story about a little brown haired girl that grew up wanting to be a boy. He told you how she thought there was no hope and wanted to end her life more than anything. But then one day a friend found out, and he helped her. And even though it took years and years, eventually she became the man she always wanted to be. Then he told you that he was once that little girl. He was transgender too. 

After you graduated, he asked you to be his boyfriend, and you said yes. The kiss that followed was the most magical kiss you'd ever shared, and you knew that you were going to be okay.

Because yes, sometimes life is hard, and it rains and it pours.

But that's okay, because after all - you need a little bit of rain to make a rainbow.