The Life Of Trans Phan

Freak

I think today was the worst day of my life. It's funny really because I never thought it would turn out like this. I genuinely thought that today would go well. But no.

You see, today was the day that I finally came out to my family.

Originally I was planning on bringing Phil with me, but then we had this stupid fight this morning, all over a binder. I accidentally wore it in bed and, although nothing bad happened, he still got really mad at me. After yelling at me, he stormed out and a while later I got a text saying he was going out with some friends. He still isn't back.

---

I turned on Skype, waiting for my parents to come online. I wasn't even panicking because I just figured that they'd accept me. I never even considered that they wouldn't.

A few minutes later, they came online and I pressed Call. I started getting a little bit nervous but it passed.

"Hey Daniell- What the hell!!" My mum exclaimed, staring at me in shock. It was then that I remembered that I hadn't seen them since I moved out.

"Er, hi," I said awkwardly, internally punching myself for forgetting about how much I'd changed in the past few years.

"What on earth! Why do you look like a boy Daniella?" My father asked, frowning deeply.

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, " I told them, taking a deep breath and wishing that Phil was here with me.

"Don't tell me you're a Tranny!" My mother laughed. My heart dropped at her words as I realized that I wouldn't get the acceptance I was looking for.

"Um, well actually, I am Transgender," I said, nervously stumbling over my words. Before I could say anything, they hung up. Just as I moved to recall them, I saw that they had sent me a message.

'Tranny's will not be tolerated in our family. You are a freak and you are no child of ours. Stay the fuck away from us, you are a freak and a Tranny and you deserve to die.'

I felt numb. I kept rereading the message, over and over again, the message permanently marking itself in my brain. I couldn't reply, couldn't do anything. I just sat there numbly and cried.

~*~*~*~

Phils POV

I finally returned home awhile later once I'd completely cooled off. I didn't want to face Dan when I was still mad at him, who knows what would happen if I did. He'd kept his binder on all night, even though he said he'd taken it off when I asked him. By now I realised that the dysphoria was probably overwhelming for him, but that still wasn't a good reason for endangering himself. I cared about him a lot, and I couldn't bare for anything to happen to him. Unlocking the door, I was welcomed by complete silence, which was weird because Dan was never quiet. If he wasn't watching TV, he had music blasting loudly or a device in the kitchen making weird noises, but he was never quiet.

"Dan?" I yelled, checking his bedroom to see if he was asleep. I got more worried when I saw that he wasn't.

"Yeah?" He replied quietly from the living room. I walked in and my heart split in two when I saw him. He was staring numbly at his computer, his face stained with tears. I felt tears welling in my eyes as I rushed to his side, enveloping him in my arms.

"Dan, what's wrong?" I whispered, cradling his head to my chest, pulling him into my lap. There's nothing I hated more than Dan being upset, I loved him far too much to be okay with him crying. He didn't say anything, simply gestured to the laptop screen. Reading the message that his parents had sent him, anger raged in me. I couldn't believe they'd reacted like that! When I realised that this meant Dan must of come out to them, all by himself at that, I felt furious at myself. How could I let a small fight end like this! If I hadn't been so stupid and stormed out on him simply because of a binder, he wouldn't have had to go through this alone.

"Bear, I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have had to do that alone, I should've been here for you. I'm so so sorry," I whispered, my heart cracking even more as the man I loved sobbed into my shirt.

"They don't love me, Phil," He cried, "I don't have parents anymore!"