Lost Memories

Waiting.

Althea's

Did she already got my email? I realized that it was then 3 months ago when i sent it, and i haven't heard anything, it's been a half a year now, and i'm still here, waiting, still thinking of her, if only i could pull down the stars above me, i would wish on them all, hoping one of them would make it come true. "Come home jade."

The tears fell from my eyes, as i was talking to brightest star i saw in the nightsky, everynight before i get home, i let it all out here, in this rooftop, wishing, hoping and ended up crying.

I was wishing not to have another night here crying, another day hoping, another more 3 months of this ruthless nightmare, and thought of not even the brightest or the biggest star would make it come true, it was her who could make it happen, it was her whom i needed, to make it all better.

The past 6 months without her was unexplainable, no words can ever describe the pain and longing i've been through. Maybe i should let go, i should move on and go on with my life. Maybe it was really what she wanted, maybe she will never gonna come back for me anymore, maybe she have already moved on.

The uncertainty was stressful, i don't want to believe in the negative part, but the possibility, of maybe she will come back, maybe i should wait a little longer, hold on to the little hopes in my heart, and the love for her that will never ever change, maybe she hasn't moved on, and that she misses me, and still loves me.

I then got home and checked my email, no messages, i felt dissapointed once again. I checked my phone and saw a message from Mrs. Tanchingco.

"Hi anak, Kamusta kana? At si miggy? Namimiss na namin kayo ni oscar, dalaw naman kayo dito ulit. Alam ko hanggang ngayon naghihintay at umaasa ka pa rin, at kung isang araw magising ka at may mahal ng iba, magiging masaya pa rin ako para sayo, hindi kita masisisi. Mahirap maghintay, lalo na't walang kasiguraduhan. You deserve to be happy, napaka bait mo althea. Maraming salamat sa pagmamahal mo sa anak ko. Namimiss ko na din siya, sana mahanap niya na ang daan pabalik, goodnight."

Naluha ako sa mga nabasa ko, ramdam ko ang pag mamahal at sincerity sa mga salitang yun, ang sarap magkaroon ng isang ina. At masuwerte ako na nagkaroon ako ng taong maituturing kong ina. Napaka bait ng mama ni jade.

"Maraming salamat po Mrs. Tanchingco, sa weekend po dadalaw kami ni miggy jan, namimiss na din po namin kayo. Alam niyo po kahit ilang beses kong sabihin sa sarili kong, tama na. Hindi ko po mapigilang umasa at maghintay pa rin, dahil hindi naman po nagbabago ang pagmamahal ko para sa anak ninyo, hindi ko po nakikita ang sarili kong magmahal ng iba. Salamat po na kahit wala siya, tintanggap niyo pa rin po ako, itinuturing niyo pa rin kami ni miggy na pamilya. Gusto ko pong malaman niyo na, masaya po kami dahil dun. Goodnight po. See you this weekend."

"Sige anak magpahinga ka na. At ilang beses ko nang sinabi sayo, Mama na ang itawag mo sakin."

Napangiti ako, dahil matagal niya ng sinabi yun, paulit ulit. Hindi ko alam nahihiya pa rin ako.

"Sige po. Goonight po ma!"

Nagreply ako at natulog na, masaya akong hindi ko nararamdaman na magisa ako, anjan ang pamilya ni jade, si miggy, si batchi at wila na laging sinisiguradong okay ako.

Nagkakaroon ng ilang masasayang araw dahil sakanila, pero pakiramdam ko hindi pa rin kumpleto, at hindi na magiging kumpleto kung hindi na din siya babalik.

"Do you still think of me like i do all the time? Mahal pa rin kita jade, hindi naman nagbago yun. Eto oh, naghihintay pa rin ako. Umaasa na balikan mo na ko, na sana mahal mo pa rin ako."

Here i am again, in this rooftop, i realized that i look stupid, Kausap ko nanaman ang sarili ko, at ang mga bituin na kumikinang sa madilim na kalangitan, sana naririnig niya ko. Sana mahal parin niya ko. Naluha ako at naawa sa sarili ko, tama na nga siguro. Panahon na para ayusin ko na ang sarili ko.

"Mahal pa rin kita. Huli na ba ang lahat?"

Napalingon ako sa pamilyar na boses na narinig ko, panaginip nanaman ba to? Nagiilusyon nanaman ba ko? Naluha ako ng makita ko siya, nakatingin sakin, nakangiti at naluluha. Patuloy na pumatak ng mga luha sa mata ko.