You Can't Love Me

11. Stupid pain, stupid Shane.

Thursday. I roll onto my side and peer at the clock, 7:05. The funeral starts at 9.

Trying not to think about last night, I drag myself to my bathroom and start the shower.

Ignoring the nagging in the back of my mind, I think about what nonsense I would miss today. Which reminds me, I would've had to serve detention if it weren't for the funeral. Ha, the principal would have to let me off the hook. I smirk to myself.

After my shower, I plucked the dress mom bought out of my closet and slipped it on.

The dress was loose, navy blue, short sleeves with a row of tiny ruffles across my waist and a layered skirt that flared slightly, stopping two inches above my knee. Not exactly my taste, but appropriate for a funeral.

I dry my hair and straighten it, leaving it down. I put on a little makeup knowing that I would be producing a lot of tears today.

I glance at the clock, 7:38. I better kick it up if I want to be on time. Vince didn't like it when I was late to any of his events. I remember being late to his high school graduation. He gave me hell for it.

Chuckling, I go to my closet to find the right kind of shoes. Which is impossible because all I have is vans, converses, and more vans.

Groaning with frustration, I get up and stomp towards my door. I'll just borrow a pair of mom's shoes.

I open my door and jump two feet in the air. At the door my mom is standing there with a black designer box in one hand and the other raised to knock on the now open door.

She smiled at me sadly and I could see the red rim around her eyes from crying.

She shoved the box in my direction. "Here, these are for you. A little birdy explained that you wouldn't have any shoes to wear today." By the way she said it, I could only assume she was talking about the letter that Vince left her.

" ' and mom, make sure you get her some shoes. Knowing her she might show up in neon colored vans.' " She imitated Vince's deep voice and we both chuckled. That sounded like something he would say.

"Thanks, mom." I take the box from her and open it, revealing a pair of black flats with fluffy bows on the front. Very girly today.

"We'll be waiting for you in the car. Whenever you're ready." She touched my cheek lightly and left. So nice. Must be her sadness messing with her usually nagging mood.

I slide the shoes on my feet, grab the flowers for his casket and dash downstairs to meet my parents in the car.

Let's get this over with.

*******

We got to the funeral home at 8:52, just enough time for everyone to come up to us with their sympathy. I had to try my hardest to keep from being sad. Vince wouldn't want us to be so gloomy.

"Monique!" My head snaps up at someone screaming my name. I see Chrissy and Dylan half running in my direction. "Oh my god! I'm so happy to see you! Are you holding up alright?"

I try to breathe while Chrissy is squeezing the life out of me. "Yeah, I'm fine. You don't have to break my bones though."

"Oh," She gasps and lets me go. "Sorry."

Dylan meets my gaze and smiles widely. I smile back and wrap my arms around his waist.

"Hey, I missed you." I giggle in response trying to hold the tears that are coming.

Stepping back I say, "It's only been a couple of days. You can't miss me that much."

He stares at me for a moment, his eyes melting into liquid. "It only takes hours for me to start missing you." At that I blush.