First Faith

Chapter 5: Fear

John remained silent for longer than I wanted him to before speaking softly, "Do you know what this is?"

Of course I did. It's a cross. The letter 't'.

"Love." Dawn answered simply. Piplup reached out and hesitantly touched the cross with a flipper.

"What do you think, Paul?" John asked.

He was such a manipulative old fool. I saw through his plan to get me to open up. This is why I didn't want to come to this wretched place and stare at this stupid piece of wood that had more than splintered my life.

"It's useless hope to billions and tantalizing fear to millions." I said.

The only one to move was Piplup, who squirmed in Dawn's grip to give me a shocked, confused expression.

It felt like I was my old self again- unapproachable, even to Dawn as her eyes studied me, trying to figure out how to reach me. But really, from here, in this place, I couldn't be reached.

"Continue the tour without me. I'll be waiting back at the Pokemon Center." I stated.

Dawn took a step toward me, "Paul-"

"You can take your time. I'm fine. Enjoy yourself." I forced myself to resume a softer turn and then turned to John, "Excuse me for my rudeness."

I bowed my head partially and began to walk as quickly as was accepted out the front doors, not ever wanting to go back.

Fear is horrid, but there's no reason to be ashamed of it. Our Lord was afraid (dreadfully so) in Gethsemane. I always cling to that as a very comforting fact. - C.S. Lewis

Dawn 

 I watched Paul walk away, his footsteps loud against the wood. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest as he shut the door with a final thud.

"He's not Christian." John stated.

"No." I sighed, sitting down on the pew closest to us.

"That doesn't make me think any differently about him. I hope you know that." John said, sitting next to me, "Actually, it makes me feel more love for him."

"Funny how that works, isn't it?" I smiled sadly, staring at the cross, "I think that's why I fell in love with him. Even through all his worst qualities, I saw that there was good in him."

"I know he's capable of a lot more goodness too, if he allowed it." John thought out loud.

"What makes you think that?" I asked, curious. I'd wanted to talk to Paul about God so much, but every time I brought up the subject, he brushed it aside.

"It's not something I can tell, but He can." John pointed to the cross, "That's just the feeling He gives me."

My eyes looked up at the cross in awe, "I guess that's true. I know what you mean about feeling Him, though most people would think we're crazy."

"That's life." John smiled, "I wouldn't trade anything for it. I'd rather be called crazy."

"Me too." I leaned back, petting Piplup's head, "...Do you know what Paul meant by what he said the cross meant?"