Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @purfectbarb

I don't know where to start. I'm 17 years old, finished secondary school (high school ) in 2013 , now I'm in the university. I used to be an usher in church and a member of the Drama department. I kept to myself all the time. It was a teenagers' church... I'm not really religious, I was just a worker in church because it's kind of social. 

So one day we were trying to practice a Drama production and these two boys walked up to me and were talking to me. They sounded really nice so they invited me to their house the next day. Normally I wouldn't go, but they said we wouldn't be long and that we could all go to church together, so I agreed.

The next day when I got there, his friend wasn't there yet and his sister was home. Immediately she left. The other guy came in and they locked the door. Then "Adam" (I'll call him that) asked to see my phone and when I gave it to him, "Nathan" came up to me and asked what I wanted. He said, "Okay, what is it going to be? Smooching or fucking?" I thought he was joking but apparently he wasn't. Because he just shoved his hand up my top and I told him to stop it. Then he dragged me into his room (I was 13 and he was about 17) and Adam just sat there playing with my phone.

At that time I couldn't scream or shout because it would have been an embarrassment, so I was telling him to stop. I said it loudly but he didn't stop. He was pushing my skirt up, then I was begging him. I tried to fight him but he was stronger, so I scratched him and he backhanded me and slapped me several times. He told me if I struggled it would hurt so much. Then Adam came to give him a condom and told him to be quick - he wanted to get a go too, and I was just there crying. It was really terrible. He pulled my hair because I wouldn't let him kiss me. Then his sister came home; she forgot her lunch. So I just grabbed my phone and got out of there fast.

That day I went back home but I didn't tell anyone what happened. Fast forward to two weeks later. We were at a meeting for the Drama department in church. I gave a suggestion and Nathan just said, "Shut up, whore," and he and Adam laughed. I was so shocked and embarrassed that he called me a whore in front of like 15 other people, I didn't say a word. After the meeting, our group coordinator called me privately and asked what happened with me and Nathan. I lied and told her I didn't go to his house when he asked to see me, which is why he acted like that.

A month later, I changed schools and Adam was in my year, but not in my class . I got really popular because of my looks and people felt like they could talk to me about anything. So this girl - Joy - told me she went to Nathan's house and Adam was there and they did some things to her (which she didn't say). She begged me not to tell anyone and I didn't. I felt sorry for her. I pretty much forgot about my whole deal with Adam and Nathan.

When I graduated secondary school in 2013, I went to the university. For the first month I tried to stay off the grid but I got too much attention and I became very popular. Everybody wanted to talk to me, so I kept my distance, walked alone, sat alone, while people stared at me like I was a celebrity. Then the rumours came. They said, "She leaves her hostel at 8pm to meet up and have sex with random guys," "She sleeps in the male hostel," though no one said it to my face. Whenever I passed a place, people stopped, moved out of my way, some smiled at me and pretended to like me. But the rumours didn't bother me, until someone I really cared about started. I was called names like "Oliver Twist" and the thing is, I hadn't even kissed any guy on campus. Now they say I'm mean and and proud (which I am, to people who don't know me) - that's what earns me respect. I have depression, I'm insecure, I'm delirious now, social media is my only solace. Somedays I want to tear my face out because I feel like it's the cause of my problems.

I know I'll get through this someday because I'm strong and I won't care what anyone says because that is not who I am. I am not a slut, a bitch, or a whore... I'm just plain old Lola trying to live without everyone judging. Thanks for listening/reading. This is the first time I'm letting this out.