Your UnSlut Project

Submitted by @Lyricalprincess

Here I am, a girl of 18 years old, trying to make the world more bearable even for just a second.

My story starts as young as standard II, when I suffered through periods of my so called friends ignoring me for saying how Abey (अबे) was a bad word. It is a rude way of addressing anybody in Hindi. In standard III, I  was boycotted by pretty much the whole school for an incident that was blown out of proportion. I ended up changing schools, so I was spared more of the boycott, but those periods of peer pressure and absolute treatment like a pariah left me very sad.

Through class 5th-8th I suffered bullying of all kinds by my peers. I was boycotted by my group of friends because I refused to follow them blindly and let them rule over me. This happened many times and I survived with the help of reading books, singing my heart out, writing diaries, poems, songs, Shair-O-Shayari etc. and dancing till I got rid of all my negative emotions. I did all the typical stuff as well, listening to sad or angry music, shouting unnecessarily, tearing pages, messing my room, etc.

My next stage of going through bullying started when I entered class 6th, we were pre-teens and surprisingly boys at my school said things you would never imagine a 12 year old to know. To say sexual
things like 'dildo' in reference to a girl classmate and a friend of their own was just the tip of the iceberg. They said things that introduced me to the world of verbal abuse. I was a very strong headed and brave girl. I couldn't bear not knowing how to retaliate when I didn't even know what I was being called out with. I soon found out, with the help of my older girl-friend /neighbour that they meant variations of motherf*cker whenever they engaged in name calling.

I also went through basic bullying of being called too short, young (I was a year younger than all my classmates), know it all, arrogant, etc. I was also called "of loose character" for trying to befriend boys, and for watching  a slightly mature film based on the fashion industry (I'd always had both boys and girls as my friends, I didn't understand what the big fuss was about).

Later in life I realized that those boys and girls did this to force my submission, to humiliate me and to try to make them feel better about themselves, because they were jealous of my academic skills. It is always expected that once you're successful, people will try to pull you down, but it's different when you experience these things things at such a young age.

Till class 8th I'd been in various missionary schools: proper courtesy, prayer, uniform and all. When I was in 8th one day the "sister", (she was basically the administrative head of the secondary classes) called out all girls who didn't have a ribbon in their hair or whose hair wasn't in 2 plaited braids. At that point in time I had hair shorter than shoulder length and just 1-1.5 inches below my ears. When the sister singled me out and said, "Girls like you don't make plaits because they want to attract boys," I was horrified. I explained that I couldn't plait my hair because it was too short and wouldn't stick in the ponytail, but she wouldn't listen. I explained how various teachers of mine had tried and tested to see that my hair was indeed too short to support a plaited hairstyle. Still she refused to listen and dragged me forward by my hair and forcefully plaited it so tightly that I developed a headache, some red scratches on my scalp, and some of my hair as well, never mind that those pigtails came loose within an hour.

The whole episode was enough to make me cry for a long while, and I did cry. It's shameful how the same teachers who knew I was a model student and had seen me struggle with my hair themselves saw the whole thing, but never interrupted for even a second. Ultimately, what's absolutely awful is that the sister jumped to slut shaming without thinking how it would affect a child, and she was a woman of cloth.They just stood there and let the sister continue. My 5 year stint in that school (classes 4-8) left me deeply scared of what people would say, how whatever I do people will make fun of me. And this fear ruined one whole year of my schooling.

Now I'm coming towards something that many will find unacceptable. I do too. And that is slut shaming by parents, by your own parents, imagine that! You cannot imagine how it feels to be belittled by your father, and have your mother supporting him. And for what? Being friends with a boy and lying about him being a girl. Unfortunately, despite not wanting to, I had to, because my parents are very very orthodox. It is stifling when none of your relatives or acquaintances are that orthodox where friendships are concerned, and so I struggled even more with the concept of right and wrong.  My parents don't even allow me to hug my male cousins, that's how orthodox they are.

When they found out that my best friend was a boy, they said things that I still find hard to forget. How they threatened to throw me out of the house, to display me on the road "like a common whore", since according to them I liked boys so much. I can never express what kind of pain I went through when my parents called me names, how their insistence on making my feel like a slut had me crying in anguish. The worst of all of it was how they didn't stop to listen, to even try and understand for a second, and my father just continued to beat me till my mother took mercy on me and stopped him.

I was just a 14 year old girl then and I had been friends with him, let's call him 'C'  here, for 4 years. He was just like a normal friend, how a girl friend would be like. We discussed songs, movies, our crushes, bitched about teachers, complained about school, gossiped about happenings in school and about others, helped each other in home work and studies, played games like Atlas, Antakshari (sing from the last letter of the song) 20 questions, truth or dare etc.... nothing out of the ordinary. To have someone tarnish that perfectly platonic relationship and drag it through the mud hurt more than I can express in words.

My point is that bullying is common. It can come from anywhere. School, friends, siblings, cousins, teachers and even parents. You can only survive by building fortitude, by being mentally strong and letting go of all those things that hurt you. If you let it hurt you, they win. Don't let them see that they hurt you, regroup and recover in your own time. Remember, they do this to bring you down, and nothing,
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT YOUR BULLIES SAY IS TRUE.

Your wearing a short skirt and low neckline doesn't make you a slut. If you talk with boys it doesn't make you a slut. You are not a prude if you don't hang off on some boy's arms, not a bitch if you stand up for yourself. So stand up, because the only way to counter bullies is to show them that you're not broken, that you're still strong and will not bear their bullying. Just because you're gay, doesn't mean you deserve to die, you're not a "faggot," chakka, eunuch. You are not gay for liking feminine arts or dressing up, remind yourself that you're just more aware and complete than they can ever dream of being. You are not ugly just because they say so, not a bad person just because they say so, not a nobody, not an attention seeker if you want conversation and companionship. You are just human, and a better human being than those bullies.

I do have one thing to say though, we live in a society and decency is a virtue. People are judgmental and will say things you don't like. And true, if you're wearing certain clothes to school it doesn't make you a slut, just dressed indecently. It is as indecent as a man/guy/boy in his briefs or boxer shorts and shirtless. I have seen far too many girls these days wearing indecent clothing, and I have to say this that clothing should be occasion and company appropriate, just like conversation.

Having many boyfriends or girlfriends doesn't make you a slut, that's your personal choice. Similarly having sexual relations with various people will not make you a slut. It is the same as a guy being promiscuous for having sexual relations with many girls. (Promiscuous means casual and unrestrained in sexual behavior.)

You cannot change the world, but you can change yourself. Start with accepting yourself, your sexuality and the terms that come with it. Then all that shaming will seem like insignificant ants in the future.

Also if you've ever gone through any experience of bullying and slut shaming, don't do or say something that you wouldn't want somebody to say or do about you. Those people you're talking about are human, and they have feelings just like you. START WITH YOURSELF. STOP BULLYING AND SLUT SHAMING. Follow the golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”; and you'll spare someone a lot of heartache.

It doesn't matter if you're American, Indian, British, Scottish, Jewish, Mexican, African, Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, black, white, brown or blue. Above all you're a human being and should try to remain as humane as possible.

If you have ever contemplated dying, because people said they want you dead, don't give in to them. It doesn't matter if your bully is your friend, lover or family, don't give in to them. LIVE. If for nothing else, then for the sheer fact of leaving them unsatisfied, please change your decision. If you want to talk, and are lonely, you can talk to me.

P.S.: To those who have never been bullied themselves, and stand silent whenever they see bullying in action, whenever you see somebody else being bullied, PLEASE stand up against bullies for them. You will never know how a small action goes a long way for them. You could have just saved their faith in humanity, and could have prevented them from going down a dark, self destructive path.