Sinful Games (Sinful #2) | 18+

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

"A broken heart bleeds tears."

― Steve Maraboli

August 2023.

Dear Caia,

How are you holding up?

Are you eating enough? Sleeping properly? Finding moments to exercise?

Do you still turn to the TV when sleep evades you?

How many pistachio ice creams have you indulged in since you left me?

How many laughs have escaped your lips?

And how many tears have fallen on your cheeks?

Are you still capturing moments with your camera, sharing glimpses of your world with the promise you once made me?

Do you miss me, even a fraction of how I miss you?

How many times have you heard my voice in your dreams, felt the ghost of my touch?

And our son, does his face still visit you in the night, a bittersweet reminder of what once was?

Are you finding comfort in your new life?

Have you forged new connections, created a semblance of a life without me?

Do you still dare to dream, or has the weight of our past snuffed out those aspirations?

And most importantly, have you found it in your heart to forgive me?

Will we ever have the chance to see each other again?

So many questions swirl in my mind, Caia, unanswered now that you've erased me from your life so abruptly.

When you left, I promised you would unleash the monster within me, but it was I who lied.

Instead, you shattered my soul, leaving behind a mere specter of the man I once was.

I am barely surviving, barely alive.

I fled Moscow months ago; the city held too many memories, too much pain.

I now write to you from a small village in Switzerland named Hermance, nestled near the tranquil shores of Lake Léman. You would find rest here, Caia. It's a place where peace and picturesque beauty intertwine, where you could capture countless landscapes with your lens.

I've chosen to wander, to move everywhere and nowhere simultaneously.

I seek what I know I don't deserve.

I am searching for you, my love, trying to heed the whispers of my wounded soul that longs for its other half. But it's lost, adrift in a sea of pain.

And lately, the nightmares plague me more frequently.

Images of you, of Lukyan, of our shattered lives haunt my every moment. The memory of finding our son's lifeless body still cuts me to the core, stealing away a part of my being forever. And when I found you, a part of me nearly followed our son into the abyss. But God showed mercy, sparing your life.

I know confessing that I begged for your life as well may only deepen your resentment towards me.

I understand you would have preferred to leave with him, but you are my everything, Caia.

I couldn't bear to lose you too. Even though I did now.

I am so sorry, my love.

Yours always and forever. 

Alexsei