Same but... different (Lestappen and Carlando)

Chapter 41

 POV: Carlos

I walk across the paddock, making sure Lando stays close to me as we progress through the sea of fans. I didn't think so many people would still be there at that time, and try not to think about it too much, focusing on making my way to the Ferrari garage.

I figured that my driver room would be the best place to talk to Lando, as this is the only place I'm sure we'll be alone and safe from any curious ear, or microphone. I'm still insanely stressed though, because what I fear the most isn't really the public opinion, but the Brit's reaction.

We're soon in the garage, and I say goodbye to a few mechanics still there, before leading my ex-teammate to my room. We get a few intense looks, the Italian crew probably surprised to see a Papaya boy in here. It's not really the first time he's came here either, so I guess they're kinda used to it now, and they don't say anything.

Still, I unconsciously slow down a bit, almost leading to Lando bumping into my back. We stop, and as I try to turn the handle of the door, I notice my hand shaking slightly, which I manage to hide from Lando's curious look, and we finally get in the room.

I know it's a bit silly, how worked up I am, how shy and anxious I suddenly feel. I think I haven't felt like that since I told my dad I wanted to do Formula one and not Rally, and even though I now remember that day with such a fond smile, I was very stressed back then. It's the same uncertainty of how I'll be received, and similarly I know both wouldn't get angry but... there's always a doubt.

— So what was this all about, must be important if we came all the way to here, right? Lando starts saying, comfortably taking a seat on the massage table, and leaving his legs hanging in the air.

I decide to not just stand here awkwardly, and sit opposite to him on the sort of bed put at our disposition. I'm making the space neat around me, anxiously moving the objects on the bed, trying to buy a bit of time and distract myself.

I know I can't delay that anymore though, and that Lando hasn't the longest attention span either, so I finally decide to build my courage and tell him.

— Well hum... This might be a bit weird or something, but I wanted to tell you anyways and uh... I hope you understand... I start saying, not knowing how to introduce my feelings. I can't exactly just blurt out that I'm in love with him, and have been for the past months, right?

— Go ahead, you're making me curious and scared now! He seems intrigued, but also a bit uneasy, not staying still and changing the way he sits multiple times.

He finally settles on crossing his legs, almost like he's trying yoga or something. I can't distract my mind anymore though, I need to confess, and it's so much harder than what I thought. I've done a huge part of it already, telling him about my sexual orientation during the trip.

Now, it's a lot more important though, because it involves feelings. And more exactly, it involves him. And this, it's so scary. But the hope to have him understand and maybe return my feelings as well is so strong, and I start talking, immediately feeling my throat tighten in stress.

— Yeah okay hum, so, I don't really know how to say this, but first of all I wanted to say that even though sometimes I can look like I don't care or I don't miss you, it's not true at all. I'm saying this because you looked sad when I didn't really agree about sharing the same hotel and everything, it wasn't at all because I didn't miss you, quite the opposite actually.

I take a huge breath, daring to glance in his direction for the first time since I started talking. He's in a very attentive position, resting his chin in his hands. But he looks neither happy nor sad, so I just continue, my heart beating fast.