Same but... different (Lestappen and Carlando)

Chapter 23

POV: Carlos

Wednesday evening: I decided to cook with my mom, taking advantage of the moment to talk to her. I don't want to confront my father yet, it seems easier with my mom. So I try thinking of a way to start the conversation, awkwardly stirring the pasta in the pot.

— Creo que... Ya es el momento de decirte por lo del "cariño". (I think... It's time to tell you about the " cariño " thing) I start saying in an unsure tone.

— Ah sí! ¿Entonces qué pasa? (Ah, yes! So what is it?)

— Bueno. Hay algo que tengo que decirte erm... sobre mí. Es importante y quiero que lo entiendas... (Well. There's something I have to tell you hum... about me. It's important and I want you to understand)

— Ay que ahora me tienes preocupada, ¿qué pasa mijo? Sabes que puedo escucharlo todo ¿hum? (Well now you're scaring me, what happens son? You know I can hear everything right?)

— Sí, sí, mamá. Pues... es que me gustan los hombres. (Yes, yes, mom. It's... I like men.) I finally say, feeling uncertainty filling my veins. Is she gonna react positively?

— Ahh, de eso se trataba? Pero, ya lo sospechaba! (Ahh, so this is what it was all about? But, I was already suspecting it you know!) She says and my mouth falls open in shock. What?

— ¿Pero cómo...? (But how...?)

— Esas cosas las madres las entienden. Y también supongo que el chico ese tiene algo que ver con esto ¿verdad? Ví que le habías dado tu ropa, martes. Pero, mientras estás feliz a mí me importa una mierda con quien quieres ser, sabes. Siempre te amaré lo mismo, y tu padre también, estoy segura. (These kinds of things, mothers understand them. And I also imagine that the boy has something to do with it, no? I saw that you gave him your clothes on Tuesday. But, as long as you're happy I don't give a shit who you want to be with, you know. I will always love you the same, and I'm sure your father too.)

After her revelation, I feel tears filling my eyes, and try to rub them to stop crying. But the amount of relief that I feel is too much, and I can't stop the tears running down my cheeks, choosing to hide in my mother's arms. A hug feels so comforting right now, and in my sensitive state I appreciate every loving touch.

She gently strokes my back, allowing me to slowly calm down, until I feel much better. I decide it's my turn to explain a bit more the situation, as I didn't really tell her everything yet.

— Entonces ehm, (So hum,) my voice breaks and I clear my throat, tienes toda la razón por Lando, no puedo verlo sólo como amigo... Ni piloto, (You're completely right for Lando, I can't see him just as a friend... Nor driver), I chuckle slightly, pero él no lo sabe, y así tiene que seguir. No puedo arriesgar que me abandona (but he doesn't know obviously, and that's how it should stay, I can't risk him abandoning me.)

— Pero ¿aún no estáis juntos? Yo creía que solamente hacían pasar su relación por amigos, no que lo eran de verdad... Es que, a mi me parece que a él también le gustas mucho... (But, you're not together already? I thought you were just pretending to be friends not that you were actually just friends... It's just, to me, it looks like he really likes you too...)

Going from revelation to revelation, my mouth falls open when I hear my mom's words. She thought we were actually together? Me and Lando? But... It's true maybe we look really close sometimes but... Is that what people see? Or is it just her?

— ¡No, no! Ni siquiera le gustan los hombres, creo... Pero simplemente quiero que esto se quede un secreto por el momento. Lo diré a papa más tarde, pero por ahora tenemos que terminar la comida ¿vale? ( No, no! He doesn't even like men, I think... I just want this to stay a secret for now. I'll tell dad later, but for now we need to finish the dish alright?)