Felicity Reviews

Review by Watts: Off Limits 📗

Reviewer: Watts ( Watts_Writes )

Requester: Off Limits by hey_its_grace

Title: 4/5

I like the story's title. It's relevant to the overarching story, clear, easy to remember and fits within the romance genre. I think it has strong appeal, though I'm not sure if it's the most unique. You might find quite a few romance stories using the title. Regardless, it works well and meets romance readers' expectations.

Cover: 3/5

I love seeing a woman of colour on the cover of a romance story. The title is clear and bold, and the author's name is easy enough to read. The colours feel a bit muted. My biggest issue with your cover is that it doesn't speak to the genre. Two male silhouettes in the background could help make the genre and the love triangle aspect more clear. Consider other romance covers to help you find ways to highlight the genre. Remember, people often judge a book by its cover—if readers can't discern the genre, they may not bother investigating further.

Summary: 2.5/5

I feel like your summary is halfway there. You have the bones in place but need to build on it. I often feel like a broken record when writing about summaries, but they should read like a book jacket. Think of them in a sense like a bit of marketing—you want to include enough background information and generate enough curiosity that a reader chooses to read the story. Your summary could introduce your protagonist, her background (her relationship with her husband, her life—is it idyllic? Has their relationship become stale?), and then hit us with the twist, i.e. the introduction of her brother-in-law.

Grammar and punctuation: 4/5

There are only a few issues with grammar and spelling. I appreciate your use of varied punctuation, but would suggest you replace the n dashes (-) with em dashes (—), which are the proper punctuation for pauses outside of commas and brackets.

Additionally, there are a few times where your word choice doesn't quite work, for example, in chapter 3, the line, "The two men turned to me in sync as I modelled closer." The word 'modelled' took me out, as the verbiage felt off.

Character building: 3/5

With only 3 chapters to read, I think it's fair to say no reader would expect an awful lot of character-building. However, I will say I found Jade both striking and forceful. She doesn't read as the most sympathetic or likeable character—she feels incredibly self-centered and overly focused on money. There's nothing wrong with this. I don't think female characters need to be likeable in order to lead a story, but my initial response was to like her the way you like one of the women on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I would love to see a bit of vulnerability written into her thoughts. There are a few times where she speaks about Sebastian's mother and the woman's dislike of her—does this make her feel angry? Sad? Both? Does she have suspicions about why she doesn't like her? Adding even the slightest bit of doubt or concern will make her more engaging.

Sebastian feels light on character development. Apart from clearly being a Mama's boy, which, in all honesty, makes me wonder why a woman like Jade would be interested in him, there's not much to know about his inner monologue and workings.

Writing style: 3.5/5

You write with a lot of gusto. It's clear you enjoy Jade and writing from her POV. Your style and confidence are commanding, which made me feel comfortable as a reader. I think you can definitely stand to slow down some. The first three chapters feel short and fast. There are places you can pause and add more description and depth. More descriptive language will help set the scene and bring your readers more fully into this world of wealth you're creating.

Additionally, I loved the lighter, almost sarcastic tone of the story. Jade's voice is strong and clear, but it could use more peaks and valleys. Don't be afraid to let her be beyond commanding and demanding. By playing with sentence length, specifically adding more detail, you can strengthen characterization and drive the plot more fully.

Plot originality: 3.5/5

I love the two brothers' love triangle. It adds fire and danger to what is already a sticky situation. When you introduced Marcus, I wanted more of Jade's initial response to him. I know she was surprised to learn her husband had a brother, but after the bit of spice you threw in in the very first chapter, I expected a more detailed reaction to seeing this man—did he set her on edge? Was she instantly drawn to him and weirded out by that? This is a big twist. Marcus's existence is going to throw a massive wrench in Jade's life. There's so much fun you can have with that initial meeting, and I'd love to see you add more to it.

The side element of the mean mother-in-law feels fun, and I like the way you've set this character up. Sebastian and Marcus's mother feels imposing and powerful, yet we haven't met her.

Reader engagement: 3.5/5

Because you wrote Jade with such a commanding voice, I was engaged from the opening sentence. Though, as previously stated, I was not particularly taken with this character. She comes across as rude and entitled and not particularly relatable.

I found these first chapters incredibly fast reads, and I would love more detail to really help me get lost in this world of wealth you're developing. The moment with Jade and Sebastian in chapter one was full of heat but also awkward (he answered his mother's call!). Play that up more. Don't be afraid to write more. It's better to have too much and need to cut than not have enough.

Final thoughts:

Off Limits has a great concept filled with some of the best romance tropes. Your main character, Jade, is a force—commanding, confident and strong—but she could benefit from a bit of added vulnerability and humility. I'd love to see more genuine love between her and Sebastian but also a more in-depth reaction to meeting her husband's brother, Marcus, for the first time.

Between the impending love triangle, the secrets Sebastian's family is clearly keeping and the daunting MIL we've yet to meet, there's so much to look forward to with this story! Take your time and build it out even more because you've definitely got what it takes to hook readers.

Total: 27/40