Reviewer: Watts_Writes
Requester: The Best Mistakes by saylradeth
Title: 5/5
The title is excellent. It's fun, cheeky, and gives some insight into the story. It speaks well to the rom-com/romance genre and relates well to your protagonist's struggles against her upbringing and desires.
Cover: 3/5
I love the cover, so you're probably wondering why I've scored it at 3—mostly because I'm not sure it fits the genre. The colours and font are fantastic and speak well to the current trend in rom-com stories, but the plants confuse me. It's possible this relates to something that happens later in the story, but upon initial review, I was unsure about the type of story I was about to read.
Summary: 3/5
The bones of the summary are there. You need to rework some of the language and grammar to be consistent. For example, this line: Nolan Gray is her enemy since the day she joined University, he gets on her nerves and still is by getting in the way of her plans. It's a bit of a run-on, additionally the use of "is" doesn't work. Smoothing out some details will turn this blurb into a home run.
Grammar and punctuation: 3.5/5
The story is generally well written. A few minor spelling and grammatical issues can easily be rectified during an edit.
Character building: 3.5/5
Your main characters—Kayra and Nolan—have strong and unique personalities. You've developed both to have distinct voices, making it relatively easy to discern the perspective switch. They seem to truly bring out the worst in each other. Nolan's POV offered a more obvious development, particularly regarding their relationship and his feelings toward Kayra. The relationship between your characters feels realistic, though at times a bit over-the-top—there's nothing wrong with that, but the opening sequence where Kayra slaps Nolan is a bit jarring. Opening with such a violent act makes it hard to like Kayra, no matter how much of a jerk Nolan may be. Their relationship—the dislike between them—feels like it starts at 100, so there's not a lot of opportunity for more peaks and valleys. Working to establish that a bit more will help make these characters feel more real and relatable.
Writing style: 3/5
There's a fun tone in your writing that makes it engaging. Sometimes, this can feel borderline immature because the writing tends to stay on one wavelength tonally. Writing from both protagonist's perspectives gives you ample opportunity to play with description and imagery because you have double the options—how do these characters see the world? How does it differ from the other? How is it similar? One thing that threw me off was the switch in perspective mid-chapter. Switching like this is disorienting and confusing because we expect each chapter to belong to the character you introduce at the top. Your chapters are considerably short, so there's an opportunity to turn those perspective switches into longer chapters.
Plot originality: 4.5/5
Enemies to lovers is a well-loved romance trope; what helps make this feel fresh are the cultural implications that surround Kayra. Her Indian sensibilities, family dynamics, and expectations add weight to the story, making her decisions feel sharper and more intense. You ratchet up the hate between these characters, so at times, it feels hard to imagine they'll ever be more than enemies, as I said above, consider lightening up some of the intensity in place so that the plot can unfold more organically.
Reader engagement: 2.5/5
For me, the opening slap made it difficult to like Kayra. The action felt incredibly violent and lacking in charm. The opening sequence would have been more fun without that slap and made me laugh. As far as hooks go, the enemies-to-lovers trope will always bring eyes, but you want to ensure your characters are likable and relatable. Additionally, the story's pacing felt too fast. You can experiment with more description and inner thought to help play with pacing (and tension too). Consider building out your chapters to provide more backstory to Kayra and Nolan's relationship.
Total: 28/40
Final thoughts:
There's a lot of potential in this story. Kayra's experiences can be truly engaging, and the build-up to the inevitable change in the relationship between her and Nolan offers some yummy tension to build. The story shines when you allow the characters to be charming and playful with each other.
YOU ARE READING
Felicity Reviews
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