Sapphire Stones

''Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise'' -Lana Del Rey

"Gally? What's going on?" I ask, approaching Gally, who's talking to a small group of Gladers. He looks mostly angry, but a little bit of concern and even possible fear is evident on his face. The other boys don't seem to notice.

"Nothing, Venus." He says, turning to face me. I cross my arms across my chest and raise my eyebrows, giving him a look he's seen many times in the past. Disbelief and disapproval, mostly. He loudly sighs, telling the boys that he'll only be a minute and puts his large hand on the small of my back, leading me to a more secluded area of the Glade.

"You couldn't just tell me over there?" I ask, trying to control my anger. I see a strange, pained look pass over his face, but it's gone almost as soon as I saw it. Gally shakes his head slightly, blinking a few times before looking down at me.

"It's hard to explain." He says shortly after a moment. I scoff in disbelief, uncrossing my arms and, instead, placing my hands on my hips. 

"Hard to explain?" I repeat. Gally nods. "Try me." I snap. Gally sighs again and runs a hand down his mouth, letting it rest on his chin momentarily before it drops back down to his side.

"I-I ca-can't." He stutters. He looks like he's fighting a battle inside of his mind and he's losing. It's as if it was mentally and physically impossible for Gally to tell me those two simple words.

"What do you mean you can't?" My eyebrows furrow at the question, the sympathy returning to my mind and body as I look at the pained expression on Gally's face.

"I c-can't." He repeats. "They won't l-let me." 

I think back to the night of the bonfire. Gally had told me the same thing when I was bandaging his hands in the Medhut. I take his calloused hands in mine as the memory washes over me, running my thumbs over the tiny scars that litter his knuckles.

"You don't have to explain." I whisper. "I know."

He nods, looking away from me. I can tell that he's on the verge of tears. Gally doesn't like not having control of things, much less his own mind and body. He likes rules and order. He likes to know what's happening, when it's happening. He doesn't like surprises or anything new. He likes to have control of the situation. 

"I'm sorry for getting upset." I say, placing my hand on his cheek and running my thumb over the skin. "I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't know." He scoffs, looking down at me. "I didn't tell you everything. You couldn't have known."

"Then tell me everything, Gally. I'm here. I'm listening." I practically beg, but Gally just shakes his head, closing his eyes.

Gally's POV~

When I close my eyes, images begin rapidly flashing through my mind. The sun, Grievers, the outside world, Cranks, my dad, my friends, and WICKED headquarters. All the horrible things I was forced to remember during the Changing are coming back, but this time, I'm getting more and more pieces of the story. My story.

Every time I close my eyes, I'm greeted by these memories replaying in my head, leaving me to wake up in a cold sweat every night. Either that or I just don't sleep. 

For a while, I thought I was okay. I thought everything was back to normal, the way it was before the Changing. Those nights that I couldn't sleep, I'd go up to the Watchtower and look at the sky. I'd search for the brightest planet in the sky and use that as my anchor. It's her planet, after all. I'd fall into a dreamless sleep and be alright in the morning. Everything was perfect.

But ever since Thomas arrived, it's been getting worse, and I can't turn it off this time.

The dreams and visions are becoming more and more vivid and frequent. If anything, I'm remembering more than I did when I went through the Changing. It's as if all of my memories are coming back to me at such a rapid rate that I can't even begin to process them all before they're replaced by new ones. My mind is a jumbled mess- a dark paradise that I'm being forced to live in.

"Gally?" Her voice sounds a million miles away from me. I try to run towards it, but it's like I'm being pulled back by something every time I get even a little bit close to her. I begin to panic as I try to claw my way to her, but the result is always the same. If anything, she seems to be getting farther away from me.

I can't breathe. I can't open my eyes. My chest feels like it's caving in, as if an anvil has been placed over it to keep me from breathing. My head is throbbing. My hands make their way to my hair, clutching onto it for dear life. I feel like I'm dying. 

Everything sounds so far away, their voices muffled and blurred. My eyes still won't open. I want to scream, but my voice is caught in my throat. It's no use.

Is this what dying feels like? 

And suddenly, instead of sucking in short, panicked breaths of air, I'm holding my breath. Her lips are on mine and she's kissing me, her hands cupping my cheeks. 

My shaky hands fall to her waist, the simple touch steadying them. I clutch onto her, finding my anchor once again.

When she pulls away from me, her eyes are wild with worry and fear. She searches my eyes with her for any sign of what just happened, but I'm focusing on the fact that she was able to stop the panic attack so quickly. 

"How did you kn...?" I question, but my hoarse voice trails off. She takes a deep, shaky breath before replying,

"I don't know." Venus says, her voice slightly shaking. My hands are steady on her waist as we stand there, both of us completely silent. I know that she wants to ask about what happened, but she also knows that I can't tell her, no matter how badly I want to.

So instead, Venus caresses my cheek in her hand before bringing my face down to meet hers. She presses her lips against mine again in a soft, but desperate kiss. 

I clutch desperately to her body, trying to bring her closer to me, but I can't. There's no more space between us.

Before the kiss can become too heated, the sound of someone clearing their throat behind us causes Venus and I to jump apart.

I whip around to face the boy, ready to yell at whoever it is, but I'm met face to face with Newt, his eyebrows raised and hands on his hips.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything too important." He says, looking from Venus to me and back again.

"Actually," I start, but Venus cuts me off by elbowing me lightly in the ribcage.

"Good," Newt continues with an eyeroll. "because I called a Gathering about ten bloody minutes ago and there had better be a good reason why you never showed, Gally." 

I look down at the ground, rubbing my left arm with my opposite hand. 

"We just had to sort out some important matters." Venus says, butting into the conversation. Newt sighs loudly.

"Important matters had better involve keeping your bloody hands in respectful places." Newt says, looking at me and putting emphasis on 'respectful'. I nod, looking up at him.

"Of course." I say in a quiet voice.

"Good, because I need you to get your ass in the Gathering room right now."

"Why?" I ask, raising an eyebrow, my attention fully on Newt as a look of worry passes over his face. Without another word, Newt nods his head towards the Meeting hut. 

"Can I come?" Venus asks, flashing a 'puppy face' at Newt. The blonde sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Fine, whatever." He says, sounding utterly exhausted and defeated. "Come on. No making out on the way."

"No promises." I mutter. I close my eyes, taking a deep breathe and trying to relax my nerves, but another vision passes over my mind. A Griever advancing on me, so close that I can see the small hairs on it's head. My eyes fly open and I grab onto Venus's hand with a shaky one of my own, taking a deep breath.

She gives my hand light squeezes all along the way, sending shivers down my spine every time. She anchors me to reality, keeping me sane in a place I could so easily let myself go in.

I want so badly to tell her that I love her, but for now, as we make our way to the Gathering hut, I'll settle for giving her hand light squeezes back, my thumb drawing small circles on her skin.