I know I'm sick but I'm really bored and need stuff to do :(
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Beyoncé POV
I was about to have a panic attack and my hands went cold. How was I going to explain this to Megan and my mom? I can't believe he's disappointing me again.
"Haha I'm just playing. I'm about 20 mins away. Tell Megan she better be on her best behavior. None of this hot girl nonsense."
I felt relief but the anxiety somehow tripled. My dad would like to play these kind of 'jokes' too often. He'd like to make us feel bad on purpose and say 'it's just a joke' way too often. When I'd express my feelings, he just says I'm overreacting and that I'm being disrespectful. I know that has something to do with my apprehension in opening up to people and when I do, I feel like a burden to people. It's taken a couple sessions with Dr. Howard to realize that.
My father, for both good and bad, had shaped me to be the person I am today. I never wanted to admit that him hurting me repeatedly affected me. Maybe it's pride or maybe it's just not wanting to face the face the fact that the person who was supposed to end up protecting you doesn't. The cheating, the lying and the way he talks to me really fucked me over.
I started to fidget with my thumbs as my mom and Megan continued to converse. I heard my mom laugh at a joke Megan said about Rumi being so sassy. I tried to smile and join in but I couldn't.
"Baby, are you okay?" Megan turned to me and held my hand. She looked so concerned and I wanted to tell her I was fine but Megan always sees right through that shit.
"Beyoncé, do you need me to go get you some water?" My mom asked. I nodded and my mom stood up to go get some.
"Baby, come here. You're having another panic attack." Megan gently patted her lap. I sat on it and wrapped my arms around her neck. I inhaled her scent and Megan rubbed my back soothingly.
"You can tell me what's wrong when you're ready, baby. If you want to of course. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. You're safe and I got you" Megan whispered softly.
"My dad's making those jokes again to toy with my emotions. It's so stupid and petty I know but it triggers me. He's always like this. He joked my dog Munchie died and I lost it since I was overseas. He called saying it was a joke but I didn't find it funny. It's like I'm always walking a tightrope with him. I always have to be perfect and not show any emotions, even when he was fucking me up mentally." I said in a soft voice.
Megan sighed and pulled me in closer. "That's fucked up, baby. And what you said isn't stupid or petty. You do have every right to feel that way. I'm here for you, my love."
"I love you. Thank you, baby" I kissed her neck as she continued to rub my back.
"You know I love you too. Feeling better?" Megan asked me as I sat back down on the sofa.
"Yes, babe." I said before giving her a peck on the lips.
"That's beautiful. Yall complement each other so well. Thank you for finally loving my daughter the way she deserves to be loved, Megan" Mom said, wiping a tear from her eye. Megan and I hadn't realized my mom was watching us with my glass of water in her hand.
I smiled softly at Megan as I held her hand and mine. I brought her hand to my lips and gave it a kiss. My mom was right — I'm finally being loved in the way I need to be.
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Beyoncé POV
30 minutes later
My dad finally arrived and we were eating our dinner. I had the chef prepare us roast beef, mashed potatoes, Caesar salad, and fried chicken.
