The Justice Wolf

Wakeup call

Enzo - Royal crest

The bathroom door slams and I wipe my tears away.  She's right, of course she fucking is.  We've both suffered betrayal but I was in this very room getting my brains fucked out, hardly torture is it.  Not like she suffered with from her fated.

Sophia experienced the other end of the spectrum.  She lived out her own death sentence for days on end knowing her fated was fucking another.  Unimaginable pain.   The hatred that she must have for the Alpha is palpable, I fucking hate him myself.  Making my girl want to kill herself and begging the gods to spare Blade.  The damage that fuck had caused on her body was sickening . 

Selfish that's what I am.  She's right.  It was horrific but at least I wasn't in pain.  I spent the whole time in insane amounts of pleasure trying to impregnate the bitch for fucks sake.  It makes me sick.  

But in comparison it's nothing compared to her torture.  I couldn't have done it and come out the other side like she has.

I didn't want Sophia to see that, that's what set me off.  Without her seeing those photos we could have gone through our lives being happy in the knowledge that it was just the two of us.  She wouldn't of had to see actual evidence of the act and the fact I'm not pure.

I already feel that my first time will be with her.  When I am fully conscious and aware of what's going on and willingly loving her rather than being forced to.

Most of my later sexscapades with Cara are too fuzzy now, like my memories are muddled.  I wasn't myself and that's how I have to look at it.  The memories from the night in the photos are gone too, I knew I did it and it's me in the photos obviously but I don't feel any of the pleasure I received that night. Almost like I was high on a date rape drug. I remember the feelings I had looking at the photos and I realise she was extremely manly in stature. It must have been a powerful spell because in reality I would rather go celibate for my entire life than bed that. So much so that I emptied my stomach until I was retching earlier. 

No it's not the acts in themselves that are torturing me, it's the betrayal of it all against my fated.  Now I have Sophia I realise I don't have to worry about that anymore.  I just have to keep her by my side and make her happy.  It's an impossible task to keep someone away from their soul mate. I know that but my brain is in denial.

I misjudged her by my own standards and automatically thought she'd never want to go near me after seeing those.  It's real now, what happened. We can both see it and judging by the look on my face in that photo I can't deny for a second that I didn't enjoy it.  I don't remember it but that still doesn't mean I wasn't having the time of my life.

I should have given her the chance to think about whether or not she thought any different of me.  My self loathing mind always telling me she will turn her back on me.

I can't imagine the pain that surrounds the whole topic of mating for her.  I feel sad that I have been touching her.    Always with her permission but I still feel that she should have more time. 

Selfish.  I need to do better.

She comes out of the bathroom a little while later.  Eyes red rimmed.  "I'm sorry Angel". "Little bit late for that" she says maliciously.  Before shaking her head.  "It was selfish. I expected you to be repulsed.

"Oh believe me I'm repulsed but not for the reasons you think.  She's shocked herself that she said this out load and then she goes quiet.  "Just forget those photos even turned up please enzo and let's go to sleep".

"We will burn them tomorrow".  "I've got a team on to the accomplices who sent them".  "They'll be brought in tomorrow and punished".  She shocks me again with how fast she gets things actioned.  She's right she does protect people.