The Justice Wolf

Sadness

Sophia - Royal Crest

I've been terrorising myself for two full days now.  Pacing the room in my own hellish fury. 

I'm letting the pack down.  I'm failing terribly as a Luna. 

I'm failing Blade and Remi and most of all Enzo.

Every time I calm myself enough to sort this mess out my empty head fills up like a memory washing machine, swirling around with their screams and moans and confessions of love.

I've faced pain before, real physical pain and this isn't far from that.  I can see myself going insane. 

I've called my family crying and begging for help and I've called the king.  I know they're deeply upset as things have transpired.  I'm now punishing myself for selfishly involving them and insisting on Enzo marking me. 

I'm desperate.  I'm rocking myself back and forth of the floor literally going mad.

Martins relaxation techniques work until they don't and then I'm back in this same position as a spectator in my soul mates passionate love affair.  But this time it isn't just the memories, it's his feelings too. It's like I can feel his excitement whilst the memory is playing. Absolute torture.

My phone rings and I'm scrambling to find it through my tears.  What must I look like. 

"Hello" Sophia its Martin.  "I'm so sorry" I hoped this wouldn't be the case I really did.  Your bond is strong Sophia.  The stronger it is the worse the betrayal unfortunately dear. 

I'm now sobbing again presuming this will be my existence from now one.

"Sophia?" If you can get to my lab in the kingdom I can help but there's not much I can do from here other than relaxation techniques.

Before he can finish his sentence, my mind is made up "I'll be there Martin". I'll go insane otherwise. 

I now need to tell Enzo.  This is going to be painful for the both of us.  Being separated so soon will put an unfathomable amount of pressure on our already tortured bond.

He must be feeling like crap with my emotions all over the place right now. His instincts will want nothing more than to come here and comfort me. I'm so wrapped up in my own pain that I can't feel his.

I hope we get through this.  With everything I have I hope to the God's we get through this. 

I know he's worth fighting for, I really do but I can't see through the fog and swirling noises my mind is conjuring up. Why did he get the option to look at my memories and yet here I am forced to sit through whatever horror my brain see's fit.

I take deep breaths trying to calm myself again before I mind link Enzo.  I can't even walk in this moment I'm so weak.  "Enzo?"  "Sophia?"  He sounds like he's been crying too.  "Please come to the room".

Not 30 seconds later he skids through the door.  When he sees me on the ground he picks me up and holds me to him.  "Tell me what to do Sophia?"  "I can't fucking live with myself". 

"I need to get to the kingdom Enzo".  Martin's going to help me".  "No, no, no, please don't leave me he says crying in full force now.

"I can't live this way Enzo" "it's fucking torture" please let me go". "I'll be back as soon as I've got a handle on it".

He's now in full panic mode, I can feel his anxiety on top of his tears.  If I thought our bond was fucked before it's now firing sharp shooting pains in my chest.  "Enzo you have to keep calm". It's the stress that's putting it all in my head". I can't get it out I say pulling at my hair like a crazy women.