Catchfly: Seeing Stars

Chapter 34: Into The Storm

November 22 – 5:38 AM

I tip toe down the stairs of Austin's house. Everyone is still asleep. I don't even know how many people ended up sleeping over. Austin and Elias offered people to spend the night if they were too drunk to drive or bike home, but I have the privilege of sleeping up in Austin's room with my friends. The sticky living room floor is not really where you want to be.

I open the front door as quietly as I can and go out to the porch. It's still dark out, but in the distance there's a faint orange glow in the sky. The sun's about to come up. It makes for a beautiful sight above all the quiet houses. I'm almost never awake early enough to see this transformation of the sky.

I sit down on the wooden porch, pulling my knees up on the steps. I don't know why I can't sleep. Usually after a few glasses of alcohol, you can count me out right away, but... I don't know. I'm thinking too much to be able to sleep, yet I can't grasp onto a single thought that races through my mind. I don't know if my anxiety is causing that, or if my anxiety results from it.

I lift my head to the stars. Thousands of dots light up the sky, some brighter than others. A calmness washes over me. When I was younger and my parents worked too much for us to go away for the Summer, we would set up a tent in the backyard and camp for a few days. We'd make s'mores and look at the stars. We were six feet away from my house and it still felt like such a different world. It's probably one of my favorite memories. My parents would go to work in the morning, and my grandparents would come and take their place. We'd have breakfast together outside.

The door opens behind me. I tilt my head. Jace steps outside quietly. He gives me a smile and sits down next to me. I smile back. He's wearing sweatpants. Austin must have lent them to him. I believe Austin let him sleep in his sister's old room, which is lucky for Jace.

"You can't sleep either?" I ask.

"Not since you left."

I grin and smack his arm. I eye the pink glow on the horizon, growing with the second. It's weird. Every time the sun comes up it seems like the stairs disappear, but in reality, they're still there. They just become part of the light.

"I don't know," Jace sighs. "It got too quiet in there."

I glance at him. "You can't sleep when it's quiet?"

"Not when everything around me is asleep. It's like my mind is the only one out there and I don't like that." He takes me by surprise. "At home I usually sleep with my window open so I can hear the sounds of the forest. The crickets, the wind in the trees." He speaks calmly. I look at him a little funny. Jace kind of transforms like the sky, too. He takes on different forms. Right now, he's calm and philosophical, but that doesn't mean his bold, sarcastic side is not still inside of him. Like the stars are still in the sky even when you can't see them.

"I'd be happy to trade places," I say. "I can sleep in Ava's room while you sleep in Austin's room. Elias' bear snores will make you feel like you're in the middle of the forest, I promise."

He grins. "I could hear that through the walls. I thought it was the house being moved by the wind."

I chuckle a little. I fold my arms around my knees. "...I know what you mean, though. I hate being left alone with my thoughts."

I feel his gaze on me.

"I can barely even... go to the bathroom without being on my phone. You know?" I eye him. "It's like I always need to be distracted from my own thoughts, because if I stand still, I... I start worrying and I don't stop. I make my own universe so huge. That's why sometimes I like to just... look at the stars and remind myself that I'm just a small speck of it all." I lift my eyes to the sky. The longer I look, the more stars seem to appear. I wish I was awake more often to see the sunrise. Not the end of it, but the beginning. The short moment where the sun and the moon coexist. Where darkness doesn't fade with the commence of light.