Catchfly: Seeing Stars

Chapter 50: Silencing The War

January 11 – 11:14 AM

I stare at my Calculus homework. The same page of the book I've been on for the past hour. I'm so behind on my school stuff. I've been behind, and I meant to utilize this Christmas break to catch up on all my homework and study, but then chaos erupted. Now school starts in two days.

Although let's be honest, I would have procrastinated my schoolwork even if I hadn't found out I was adopted and my real parents were murdered by my boyfriend's father, and Elias hadn't disappeared tripping on XTC.

Speaking of Elias.

I grab my phone from the desk even if I'd promised myself I wouldn't touch it, at least not until I finish my Calculus homework. Derivatives can wait. I dial his number and slide my phone against my ear underneath my hoodie. I'm wearing sweatpants, fuzzy socks and I've wrapped myself in a blanket, sending a clear message to myself that I have absolutely nothing to do today besides studying.

"Hey." He answers the phone in a sigh.

"Hey– I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, I'm just lying in bed. Tired, though."

It pinches that his voice still lacks his staple optimism. After his freakout on New Year's Day when he found out he took ecstasy, Austin informed me that Elias spent the entire day and night running around: playing video games, skateboarding, going for multiple jogs, even one at night. He was anything but tired. But the famous Tuesday blues hit him a couple days ago. I don't think his current home situation helps his recovery of it. He hasn't spoken to his mom since Christmas Eve.

"How are you feeling?" I ask, doodling on my notebook.

"I don't know. Not like myself." Elias answers. "Yesterday I cried because Austin was out of cereal."

I laugh a little, even if it is far from funny.

"Everything's exhausting. If it wasn't for Austin I probably wouldn't even move. We're going to get breakfast soon. He was right about the serotonin depletion..." I hear him sigh again. "What if I never get back to normal?"

"Don't talk like that." I put my pen down. "Your body just needs to regain its strength. Your brain, mostly. Drugs really tire you out, Eli."

He moans. Elias is the most energetic person I know, so it makes sense that this contrast falls so heavy on him. When Austin smokes weed, all he wants to do is watch anime and eat pizza, but when Elias smokes weed, he goes skateboarding around town, overrun with energy.

"I'm so glad we don't have a game this Friday. I can't afford to be benched."

"Well, we can do a movie night tonight if you're up for it. I know Superbad will up your serotonin levels." I offer. I can hear a laugh out of him, which feels like a victory.

"Yes, please. And Will's coming back tonight, I can't wait for that."

Neither can I. It feels like months since I've seen him last– mostly because of how much has happened since he left for England. I miss our dorky Brit minus-the-accent.

"Hey, you and Austin are good, right?" I ask.

"Yeah, yeah. I honestly don't have the energy to be mad at him, and anyway... he was kinda right. I'm jealous of an unborn fetus, Pais. I'm so pathetic." I hear him sniffle. I don't want him to lose the temporary serotonin he just got at the idea of seeing Will again, so I quickly talk over his misery,

"You're not pathetic. You know what's pathetic? I'm home alone for the first time in a week and my heart leaps out of my chest every time I hear the smallest creak." My eyes dart around my room suspiciously.