Catchfly: Seeing Stars

Chapter 39: You're Not Alone

November 28 – 8:55 AM

I'm hot and stiff when I wake up. I'm in the same position I fell asleep in: my left arm pressed underneath me, my neck bent to give my head a platform to rest. The bones in my neck crack when I straighten it. My left hand is completely asleep, I can barely move my fingers.

The light makes me squint. My eyes meet with a sleeping Avery. I let her sleep as I crawl off the couch. Will and Jace are still sleeping like babies.

I shake my hand to wake it up, walking into the kitchen. Saliha, Sienna and Elias are having coffee together.

"Hey," I say in a yawn. "Where's Austin?"

"Taking a shower." Sienna says. I take a glass out of the cabinet and fill it up with tap water.

"You guys had breakfast already?" I down the water in one chug.

"Yeah, Sen and I were up crazy early." Elias says. "We had the biggest craving for pancakes, so go wild." He pats my shoulder as he heads to the living room. My mouth waters at the stack of pancakes on the counter. Saliha pecks Sienna's head before heading out. She's quietly sipping her tea.

"How'd you sleep?" I ask.

"Pretty good. You? I know it's probably not the most comfortable bed, but–"

"Oh, stop." I laugh at her persisting hospitality. "You're offering us a free place to sleep in Atlanta. The floor would've been fine."

Sienna smiles shyly and finishes her tea. She seems happier. Not the fake kind she used to show me back in New Bern, before we became friends. She has more color in her face. She smiles more.

"Hey, Sen?"

She raises her eyebrows curiously.

"Would you say you're over Danny?"

She pauses in the middle of her sip. The mug lowers from her lips. "...I don't know. I don't think I can be." She mutters. "Everything changed so fast that sometimes I think I don't even realize we're broken up. My gut tells me I'll see him again. I just don't know whether to believe my gut anymore."

Sienna may not have been loved in the right ways in the past, but she does understand her own love. More than I would in her situation.

"Do you want to see him again?" I ask.

"More than anything." She murmurs.

I grab myself a plate and make some tea. As Sienna loads up the dishwasher, I can feel her anxiety, gradually increasing as she gathers up the courage to say whatever it is she's thinking. I know by now that sometimes I need to give her space to speak her mind. Prying is no use with her.

"Sometimes I still don't get it," She speaks up carefully, like she's not sure I'll want to hear her thoughts. "I understand he didn't want me visiting him every day, but I just– don't know why he had to take away all of it." She looks down at her hands. "We could've kept in touch. We could've called, or written each other. I could've done that from Atlanta. It would've been nice for the both of us, especially since he's probably not gonna have to sit the full eighteen months. What if he's already out before the end of the school year?" She rubs her arm. "And I'm... all the way over here."

"He made a choice, Sen." I turn to her. "He probably wanted that, too. But what he wanted more was for you to be free, he thought you deserved that. It would've been much harder for you to settle in here if you were still tied to him somehow. If the roles were reversed, you would've been able to make the same call. And then Danny would have been the one wondering where it all went wrong. Yeah, he might get out early, but... I don't think that's the point. He wanted this for you. A new beginning." I rub her arm. "It's good to keep love in your heart. As long as it's for yourself, too."