Destined To Be... { Boy X Boy } (( Unedited ))

33__ Forgiven? no?

Carlson's pov

"What I mean is.. look, I don't know how to start an apology because I never really apologized my whole life and that's pretty much the reason why I freaked out and began looking into your drawers in hopes of finding a book and a pen I could just write into__" he started but then paused, he let his arms fall beside him and I caught the view of the pen clutched in his hand as he continues.

That was what he was hiding?

Was I getting it wrong all along?

"But well, you caught me and now I have to apologise for reals.. though I think it's better than a written apology, I still don't know how to start it so please don't get mad if I end up spouting crappy shit, which I don't doubt I will.. I need to be sincere with you, the pain I went through after rejecting you, taught me a lot of things.
It opened my eyes to a lot of things and though I don't know how and what to change about myself, I promise I'll work hard to change for you because come on.. take a look at yourself, you are perfect and do not deserve someone as broken and complicated as I am but the fucking moon bitch had other plans, but i guess it's okay.. if we can't change our fate, at least I can try to better myself for you? right?___" As Kardian continues with his endless rambling, I feel a banging headache starting as my ears began ringing.

"Shut up! Please, shut up" I groan, cutting him off and walking toward my bed to sit on it's edge.

What does he want to apologise for and why the hell is it taking him so long to just say he's sorry?

Wait.. could it be?

My heart involuntarily flutters as my breath hitches.

He realized his mistakes and is owning up to it?

He rushes to my side and plumps himself beside me on the bed with a few inches of space between us.. my instincts urges me to shuffle closer to him and cover up the space between us but i fight it off "No, no I can't shut up, I'm sorry. I need to say this, Carlson. If I don't, my wolf and my conscience will kill me and I don't wanna die without gaining your forgiveness"

"Well then go straight to the point and stop giving me a headache" I shout at him without really raising my voice and he gasps in disbelief.

"Why are you so mean!?" He asks with an offended pout on his face and I visibly cringe at him before shuffling away.
I don't miss the hurtful look that crosses his features before disappearing momentarily to form a small smile on his face.

"Well anyway__" he begins, clearing his throat obnoxiously "Dear Carlson Bynjamin__" he pauses right after that again "I have no fucking idea what I'm supposed to say next after pronouncing your name like that but.. i.. i just want you to know that__ shit! I wish I could just type it! don't you have a what's app or something? I didn't know apologising could be this difficult"

"You are talking too much and too fast for me to comprehend.. get on with it before I kick you out of my room. And apologising ain't difficult, if you mean it from your heart, it'd come easily. Don't force out an apology you don't mean!" I say stoically.

"If you kick me out, we'd both experience pain Carlson" he reminds me with a small chuckle before putting on an apologetic expression again.

"No, I mean this.. I need to say this.. you know what, fuck it - I'm sorry Carlson, I'm sorry for rejecting you. when we met, I thought I was in love with Andrea.. well I guess I was in love with her. I thought she was the one for me, I've been in love with her all my life. I loved her even though she didn't.
But then during our stay at the cottage, she.. she started acting nice and all and I.. i blindly thought she was starting to love me.
That.. and the fact that you are a male, pushed me to reject you albeit my wolf's pleading and I'm sorry. I swear I really am. ever since that night, the guilt has been eating me up and I feel so terrible for what I did to you. I'd forever regret rejecting you on our first meeting" he conveys softly. The obvious presence of impending tears, clinging to his big eyes.