Destined To Be... { Boy X Boy } (( Unedited ))

10__ Disoriented

Carl's pov..

I glare icily at the tree before me as it crumbles flimsily to the ground. Exhausted and destroyed.

I blink, standing straight.

I ignore the blood coating both my fists, I ignore the dull pain on my fists, looking away from the lifeless tree on the ground, I let my eyes stray towards the next oak tree standing gracefully beside me as I move towards it, hands tightly clenched to fists, I deliver hits after hits to the poor tree, letting my mind stray towards the dark thoughts I've grown accustomed to.

Rejected!

"I am not your mate! Will never be yours!! That won't happen in this life and even in the next. I'm not a faggot"

Unworthy!

"No!! I don't want to. I don't want him and I don't care about him, you shouldn't too"

Scorned!!

Abnegated!

Useless!!

A faggot!!

My thoughts races with disruptive, bone-melting and self-loathing thoughts as I continue my assault on the second tree. they echo reassuringly and repeatedly in my head, etching themselves at every corner they could find in my head... thoughts, I'm presently familiar with.

I had always been a teenager with admirable confidence and wit. I know, my parents know, the pack knows, everyone knows how self-validated, confident, resilient, ardent and bold I am. I have so much faith and trust in myself, I am self-confident and proud of who I am, because I was born to train and learn to become who I am.

but after that night...

Everything changed!!!

After that night, four days ago, I can't look myself in the mirror and not wince from how disgusting I look. how unworthy I am, how confused I am.

I don't even look in the mirror anymore.

'unwanted, disgusting and repulsive is what you are. you lost. He's gone, and you'd be alone forever '

I hit the tree with enough force and speed to split it into two, I watch it fall lifelessly before me as I close my eyes, falling defeatedly to my knees.

Void and hollow.

I want to cry, scream, trash, do something or feel something, anything out of anger but i am unable to do it. I feel weak, confused and tired.. No! I am weak, confused and tired.

First, I was mated to a GUY.

A Guy!!!

'unfortunate reject, no one wants you. No one cares, they only care about what they want you to do and be.'

I wince with a low whimper at the voices in my head.

Out of all the people the moon goddess could have picked to be my mate, it had to be a man? one who wants nothing to do with me, one who is disgusted at my presence, one who is not gay... Hell, I am not even gay.

I mean.. if I was gay, I'd know right? Or am I bisexual? I've never even thought about exploring my sexuality, I was never curious about it, I just worked hard, trained hard, learned hard to become the best alpha after my dad that I just let everything pan out however they wanted...

I've never had a love interest though, so.. maybe I'm gay..? But, I've admired many pack girls before, I even had a crush on one but I was too busy and shy to approach her... And now I wish I did, maybe if I did, I'd have a little insight about my sexuality.