Marcy had spent the last hour lying on her living room floor, staring at the ceiling. She had arrived home early from work to find herself too exhausted to do anything more.
Maybe exhaustion wasn't the right word to describe how she felt. It was something more like self-loathing, disappointment, and frustration.
She wasn't so sure she'd made the right decision anymore. What if something went wrong? What if all her plans fell through and she was left with nothing?
Marcy had taken a chance that day. She had quit her job. The one that had offered her a secure future doing the thing she loved. Beforehand, Marcy had promised herself she would never give up photography, even if she wasn't going to be paid for it anymore.
All her life it had been so important to her. She hated to admit it to herself, but it had become almost a chore. That's what happens when you have a job. No matter how much you would usually love what you do, it seems routine. Painful and repetitive. Marcy had felt her passion for photography fading.
At first she'd tried to tell herself that it wasn't happening. That it was all in her head. Then she'd absolutely despised herself because she knew she should have been happy. She should have enjoyed her job, it had been her dream after all.
More recently, Marcy had come to terms with her feelings. She had decided that maybe she just wasn't cut out for that line of work. Marcy had accepted the thought that she would never be happy if she forced herself to continue and maybe it was time she left. And who knows, she could fall in love with photography all over again. Maybe all she needed was a break.
Marcy wasn't sure what she was supposed to do now. She hadn't planned that far ahead. There was no way for her to pay her bills. She had no source of income. Aubrey was lucky, she'd never needed a job because her father sent her just enough money to live off Marcy, on the other hand, wasn't so well off. She was completely alone.
Marcy had decided she wasn't going to tell anybody what she'd done until she had sorted out what was going to happen next. She had realized it was now possible for her to go on tour with the others. But it started in a week and Marcy wasn't sure if it was too late to join them.
She wanted to go. She needed to go. If they left without her, Marcy was totally fucked. Recently she had come to the conclusion that they had become the center of her world. She spent all of her time with them and she didn't know what to do with herself when they weren't around. Elle était pathétique.
A knock sounded on the front door but Marcy ignored it. She grumbled an obscenity under her breath and hoped whoever it was would go away. It was probably her landlord. The rent was due soon. They could wait until tomorrow.
Marcy decided to pretend she wasn't home. She held her breath and squeezed her eyes shut, like imagining she was somewhere else would make the person at the door think so too.
But it didn't work. They knocked again, this time louder. Marcy wanted to shout at them to piss off. She didn't feel like interacting with people or being social in any way, shape or form. Marcy was perfectly fine with her plans for tonight; continue to watch the ceiling until she fell asleep. She was thinking of ordering takeout if she got hungry. And there was a quiet thought nagging at the back of her mind. It had been there for months and was driving her insane. Marcy had a thirst and it wasn't about to go away on its own. She had a burning ache for a spinning high. Marcy wanted something she knew she shouldn't. It was unrealistic anyway, she didn't know how to find drugs and it was unlikely anybody was about to help her.
"Marcelline!" Aubrey's voice sounded from the other side of the door. Marcy jumped a little at the unexpected noise. "I know you're home and I'm coming in."
