Zanokuhle

Chapter 29

ZANOKUHLE
Chapter 29

“We will carry on with this tomorrow. Please note next week you will be having your practical. Please read up on safety rules and also the recipies we have been working on as of recently. You will be tested on some of them next week. This practical will contribute to your marks in this class. Good bye”,Our teacher says as she stands in the middle of the class and then we say our goodbyes to her. 
I start packing my books and shove my cook book in my bag.
I am hungry and the sweets that are in my bag have been helpful but I just want to get home and drink the mango juice in my fridge before I even start cooking.
I am tired. 
Today we did a lot of reading and my head feels like it will have a headache later on today so I will take some painkillers if I need them. 
I know my driver is outside, waiting for me to show up and come out of this place so we could leave and I cannot wait to leave either. 
“What do you think we will be cooking next week?”,Ronnie asks me. 
Veronica in full but she likes being called like a boy. 
She has appointed herself since the first day that she is my friend. Well she has earned being the person I consider my friend while I attend here. 
“I don't know but I hope we make some desert”,I say
“Ofcause!”,She says.
I finish packing up with her and then we walk out together.
It's a daily thing.  We do it always.
“Why were you late this morning?”,She asks with a little frown on her face.
“I was in Johannesburg and I left late. I forgot my school bag so I had to get it”,She frowns more before her eyes light up.
“You were in Johannesburg ?”
“Yes”
“What were you doing there?”,I look at her as she waits in anticipation to know what I was doing there. 
I don't want to tell her I am having a baby. She is not my friend like that yet, just my class mate right?
We don't share anything beside school related at most times. 
“I went to see my boyfriend”,I say. 
Sad and happy that I saw Nkosana but I miss him.  I miss him so dearly, he promised he will follow me soon and come and visit this week and I hope it is atleast tomorrow. 
“Wow, you love your boyfriend”,She says.
We get out of our school and I see the car I am leaving in parked already, waiting for me. 
“Yes, he is amazing. He is tall and darker than I am”,I say and grab my phone out of my pocket and I stop my tracks.
She does the same. I open my phone and show her Bhungane's picture and she looks at me. 
“I thought you were joking. He is really the opposite of you.",She laughs. 
A car hoots and we both look up. 
“I have to go Zan, bye!”,She says and rushes off to the car that was hooting.
I also make my way to where my ride is and Gumede gets out of the car. I greet him before he opens the door for me and I thank him. Helps me inside the SUV and I thank him before he closes the door. 
Soon the car starts moving and we are now well on our way home.  I am feeling a bit tired. 
“Mrs Vilakazi wants to see you today”,I hear the driver mention and I look at him.
“I saw her yesterday”,I say.
“She said it is urgent that you see her”,I am tired but I will go. 
I hope that her couch will be able to accomodate my tired body while she asks me never ending questions that I seem to not know how to answer her back. 
I answer messages from the ladies that are left in Johburg about my flight and departure and I tell them that I have travelled well. 
Nomvelo reminds us that she is doing a party for her son's and the date has been set and she has sent it to us. 
The theme she will inform us about it quiet soon and I am so excited. 
I have been to a few parties that were only the lemede's children's parties or Nomfundo when she had a party but I do not remember having a birthday party in my whole life. 
I wish to one day have one.  Enjoy it like it is my last day and just have fun on that day but a baby is on the way and will I ever have money to even be able to do that for myself? Do you think I would be able to maybe when I reach 30 of which it is in 2 years time from now. 
I agreed to go and see this woman, didn't have much of a choice since she persters a lot and I know she will come looking for me if I do not go and see her. 
The drive is filled with silence as always. 
It is not long before we arrive at Mrs Vilakazi's practice.  I get out of the car and thank the driver for bringing me here and he nods his head. I make my way inside and greet the receptionist. She greets me back, tells me that Mrs Vilakazi is waiting for me and I can go through.
I nod my head before I make my way through inside her office and she looks up to me from her desk. She smiles as she sees me before she gets on her feet and she looks at me.
“Hello Zano, how are you?”,She asks.
“I am okay”
“I am okay too, how did everything go yesterday”,I remember that she was there with us yesterday when I found out that I am going to have a baby.
“Nkosana is happy”,I leave it there.
“That is wonderful. Sorry to call you after short notice when I said I will see you another day yesterday”
Yes she did. I really didn't expect to see her this soon after yesterday.
I make my way to the couch and sit down. She moves from her desk and joins me on the other couch and looks at me. She takes a deep breath in.
“How are you feeling today?”,She asks.
I look at her, stare at her as she waits for me to answer her question.
I do not know how to answer her. At times she waits for a specific answer that I don't know how to give it to her and I don't know where to start when I have to give it to her. 
We stay in silence for a while before I open my mouth to say something as I now know she will ask me once again. 
“I am feeling okay”,I say and she smiles. 
“How do you feel now that you are pregnant and you know that you are pregnant?”,She asks. 
“It's weird but okay”,I mention and she smiles. 
“Thats great,I have a few more things to unpack with you but today we will just start a bit. Do you need anything to drink?”,She asks as she stands up from her seat.
“Some mango juice please”,She nods her head.
She goes out of the office and I stay seated there waiting for her to come back and she comes back after some time and closes the door behind her. 
“Your drink will be here shortly, but as we wait I want to ask you a few questions okay?”,I nod my head.
If I answer her then I will not stay here for long right? Right.
She sits down and looks at me, grabs her notepad and looks at me. 
“How did you sleep last night?”,She asks. 
I had that dream. I remember it quiet so, vividly but I remember it quiet well. 
I didn't think much of it because it was just a dream but an ugly one, one I would like to forget.
I look at her before I tell her how I slept and my dream from yesterday. Much so I tell her what I did this morning when I woke up before coming back to Cape town.
She is quiet. Listening attentively with how she looks as she has a constant nod here and there while I am speaking. She doesn't utter anything until I am done with explaining everything. 
She is silent for a moment before she speaks.
“Zano, have you ever seen a picture of your father and mother?”,My mother? Yes, I have.
My grandmother had pictures of her while she was young. I look like her but very pale at that matter. 
“My grandmother has pictures of my mom and aunt”,I mention. 
“Your father? Have you ever seen his pictures?”,I shake my head in that moment.
She nods her head and draws in her breath. 
“Tell me more about your childhood with the ones you grew up with”,She says to me. 
“Children didn't like playing with me a lot. I played with Nomfundo sometimes until she didn't like playing with me too. I loved living with Gogo, she would play with me and she was nice to me.  Aunty wasn't as nice sometimes to me.”
“Do you have an uncle?”,She asks.
“Extended family members yes but I haven't seen them in years. Usually I saw them when there was a ceremony”,she nods her head. 
She then jots down on her note pad before she looks up to me. 
“I have a task for you okay? It may seem difficult but I want you to do it so that we can make some progress with you.”,I nod my head. 
“Okay”,I say and she looks at me. 
“I want you to find your mother and sit down and talk to her. Ask her everything that relates to you then we will discuss it”
“She doesn't like me”,I say.  I don't want to see her.
“I know but you do want to know who your father was right?”,I lightly nod my head. 
“But I don't like her too.”,She lightly smiles.
“Thats okay for now, we will tackle that later on but I want you to be okay and well prepared before the baby comes okay?”,I nod my head.  
She jots down on her note pad.
“I want to book you in the hospital for a few check ups and activities. Just for 3 weeks”,I frown lightly.
“Why? I am not sick”,I mention
“You are not but it will help us help you Zano.  To find out what is the problem and fix it. The center is very friendly”,I frown and look at her. 
“I don't want to go”,I say.
She closes her eyes and sigh.
“It will be okay Zano.It's friendly and you will make friends there too”,This woman!
“I want to leave”,She sighs and nods her head.
The door opens and the receptionist walks in with my drink and I take it. 
“Thank you, I am going”,I say and leave the room.
“Zano!”,I ignore her. 
I am not sick. Why would she want me to be admitted? I don't have a flue and the baby is fine too. 
------
“And...and she said I must talk to my mother”,I sniff and hold onto the cushion infront of me. 
It's dark now and I haven't switched off the lights. As soon as I got back home I cried and went off to sleep then I cried all over again once I woke up. I got some crackers and ate those to have something in my stomach for the time being. 
I called Bhungane to tell him what Mrs Vilakazi said to me and I didn't like it that she wants me to be in a hospital. 
“Baby I think you should do it, you have siblings and they might want to get to know you. Also your mom has answers about your life and maybe you can find your dad and have more siblings.Mam Vee has a great interest at heart and she won't put you in a space that will depress you. It's not a hospital per say but a center for them to keep up with making sure you are back to your normal state as possible.”,He says.
I sniff as the tears run down my cheeks.
“I am scared. She doesn't like me.”,I say. 
“I know baby, I know but you can be the kind person and not be like her.  Show her that you are better than her and be nicer okay?”,I nod my head and sniff.
“Okay?”
“Okay”,I reply back. 
“We can go this weekend so you can finish up talking to her okay?”,I nod my head and sniff before wiping my tears.
“Okay,I love you. The baby and I miss you”,I say. 
“I miss my girls too”,I giggle. 
“We don't know if it is a girl or a boy yet”,I say laughing some more and wipe my tears.
“Well for now I will take it as a girl”,He says.
“I want a boy who will look like you”,I say. 
“But baby you can't do hair like yours on a boy”,Yes true.
“I want a girl too then”,I say.
“Whatever we get, whether it's a boy or girl, we will be happy with it”,I nod my head. 
“Yes”,I run my stomach in that moment. 
“I love you Zano”
“I love you more”